#after that point okay sure if they say she was born in 65 then she was. but before that she was older.

[capaldiera]

n e way im watching s1e01 The Arrival and geraldine says all through her teens she thought she was gonna marry david soul or eric clapton. now idk a lot about either of those dudes but my feeling is that the implication there is that she would have been a teenager in the 70s. making her about the same age as dawn french

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

[yeah-all-of-it]

I wrote a fic the other day (my first!) that included a brief appearance by an original character named Rhonda, who is Ian and Mickey’s neighbor across the hall. Decided to write a bit of a prequel, exploring how they came to be friends with her. It’s 2 parts because it’s 4.7k and I don’t have an Ao3 account. Link for part 2 is here and at the bottom. Hope you enjoy!

Spill Your Guts: Part I

“Mickey, shut the fuck up! We’ve only lived here for like four days!” Ian whispers, dragging his slightly inebriated husband down the hall toward their apartment door. “We don’t want everyone to hate us already!”

“No, you don’t want everyone to hate us. I don’t give a fuck.” Mickey replies.

“Mickey.”

Ian’s trying to convey irritation, but the truth is, he’s so giddy about the evening’s surprise anniversary party, he’s struggling to come off as anything other than completely fond of his loud-ass, thoughtful husband. He’s a little drunk himself which isn’t helping matters.

“What? The only person I want to like me is you, Gallagher,” Mickey says, trying to be only slightly quieter.

“And I do like you, very much. But it would be nice to make a couple friends here too. Waking people up at 2 am probably isn’t the best way to do that,” Ian explains.

Mickey stops walking and gently pushes Ian up against the wall, holding him in place with a hand on his chest. Mickey says slyly, “Oh, you like me, huh? How much? D’you like me… this much?” Mickey plants a soft kiss on Ian’s neck.

“Umm, yeah, I like you that much,” Ian responds.

“Okay. What about… this much?” Mickey steps closer, placing his hand on the side of Ian’s face and softly kissing his lips, just barely slipping his tongue in.

“Mmm, yeah,” Ian replies once Mickey pulls away. “I definitely like you that much.”

Mickey steps right up to Ian, pressing his body into the wall with his own. Their faces are so close, they can feel each other’s breath hitching. He slowly slides a hand down the front of Ian’s jeans.

“You like me this mu-,” he doesn’t even have the words out before Ian is devouring him. Bodies pressed together, hands gripping each other’s hair, tongues tangled together.

Things are so intense that they didn’t realize that they have somehow moved and are now up against their across the hall neighbor’s door.

The next thing they know, they are both plummeting toward the ground. It takes them a moment to realize that their neighbor, apparently hearing strange noises coming from her door, had opened the door they were leaning against.

Ian is flat on his back on the floor and Mickey is directly on top of him. Their arms are still wrapped around each other and it’s blatantly obvious what they’ve been up to.

“Do you know what time it is? I thought someone was trying to rob me! Scared the life outta me!” a slender lady, likely in her late 60s who had clearly been in bed based on her attire, yells at them.

The two men scramble to their feet, Ian panicking when he realizes that at some point Mickey had managed to undo his belt and his zipper. His plaid boxers were on full display as well as an obvious display of what’s underneath them.

“We’re… so, so sorry, ma’am,” Ian says sheepishly as he pulls his pants closed. “It won’t happen again.”

Ian grabs Mickey by the jacket and yanks him out the door and across the hall. He pulls out his keys and unlocks the door as quickly as he can, the neighbor eyeing them suspiciously the whole time. Once she’s presumably satisfied that they do actually live there and aren’t burglars, she closes the door to her own apartment.

They stumble through the doorway, slamming the door behind them and Mickey bursts into laughter.

“Holy shit, that’s one way to make friends, Gallagher! Wonder how long it’s been since that woman’s seen a dick?” Mickey laughs, as Ian’s face turns the same color as his hair.

———

It’s been almost a week since Ian inadvertently flashed their new neighbor and so far, they’ve managed to avoid running into her in the hallway.

Saturday morning, Mickey is sleeping in and Ian goes for an early run. He sneaks out the door, hoping the lady across the hall is still in bed, and walks quickly down the hall to the elevator. He manages to evade her again but when he returns, she opens her door before he’s able to get his key in the lock.

“Well, hello there,” she says cheerily. “Long time no see, neighbor!”

“Um, hi there,” Ian nervously replies.

“So, the name’s Rhonda. I figure we should be on a first name basis, you know, since I’ve seen your penis and all.”

Ian blushes and chuckles uncomfortably, but for some reason, finds himself feeling a little less embarrassed. He likes this woman already and they’ve barely spoken. She seems like a pretty no-nonsense, calls a spade a spade type of person.

“Oh, uh, I’m Ian. Ian Gallagher.”

“Well, Ian Gallagher, I was about to head out to the pool to get a little sun. Care to join me?” Rhonda inquires.

Ian looks down at his watch and figures Mickey will be asleep for at least another hour. And he does want to make friends.

“Umm, sure. That sounds nice,” he ultimately decides.

“Well, let’s get goin’ then!” she exclaims, linking her arm with Ian’s as they take off down the hall.

———

Once they reach the pool, they find two lounge chairs. Ian drags a patio umbrella over by his.

“Ginger,” he points to his hair. “I fry in the sun, even in the morning.”

Rhonda nods understandably as they kick back in their chairs.

“So,” she begins. “What’s your story, Ian Gallagher?”

“Umm, my story?” he answers, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He’s just met this woman and his “story” is… a lot. They’d be here all day if he told the whole thing. He decides to stick to the basics.

“Well, I’m from the Southside. Born and raised. Have a huge family, five brothers and sisters. Got married last year and moved here with my husband a couple weeks ago.” He decides that’s enough of an introduction for now.

“That’s all? That’s your story? I imagine it’s way juicier than that, but I get it. You don’t know me. I’m sure we’ll get to the good stuff eventually,” she winks after she says it.

This Rhonda, there’s just something so warm and vibrant about her. She has long wavy hair, white with a little gray mixed in. She has on a bohemian style dress and some turquoise jewelry. Ian imagines she’s had quite a life, well traveled and all that. Probably been outside of Chicago more times than he’s been to the Alibi. Her laugh is melodious, and her voice is cheerful and friendly. She’s one of those people you instantly like, that makes you want to open up and share your deepest secrets with.

“So that man that you were ravaging in the hall the other night. Your husband?” Rhonda asks.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s Mickey,” he replies. “Sorry again, about the uh, disturbance that night. We had just come from our first anniversary party and were, um, celebrating. Mickey planned the whole thing as a surprise for me.”

“A surprise anniversary party? Well your Mickey sounds like an absolute gem.”

“Yeah, he really is.” Ian can’t hide his sweet smile and look of adoration in his eyes. It makes him so happy when others notice the goodness in Mickey.

“So, how’d you two boys meet?” Rhonda asks, like she’s waiting for Ian to give her the real dish.

“Uh, well, we’ve known each other since we were kids. Grew up around the block from each other. I didn’t even know he was gay too until we hooked up as teenagers. The rest is sort of complicated, but that’s the gist of it”, Ian replies, and hopes that satisfies her curiosity. He’d love to tell her more but the whole unvarnished truth is a lot to unload on someone you’ve just met.

“Another Cliff’s Notes version, I see, but I’ll accept it for now,” she laughs.

Ian glances down at his watch and notices the time. Mickey is surely awake by now.

“Listen, this has been really great but I need to get back upstairs. Mickey is probably awake and we always make a big breakfast together on Saturday mornings. He’ll be pissed if I’m not there to flip the banana pancakes.”

“Oh I understand! This has been lovely and we should certainly do it again soon, Ian Gallagher!” she says with that cheery voice. Makes it hard to say no.

“Absolutely, Ms. Rhonda. That sounds great.” Ian rises from his chair and heads back inside, offering her a friendly smile that she returns.

———

“Where the fuck you been?” Mickey inquires as Ian walks through the door, not heated, just a question.

“Good morning to you too,” Ian replies teasingly. “I went for a run, then I was sunning by the pool with Rhonda.”

“Rhonda? Who the fuck is Rhonda?” Mickey asks, confused.

“Uh, the lady that lives across the hall from us.”

“The lady that liv- the one that caught us the other night? The one that saw you with your cock out?” Mickey is growing slightly agitated.

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“What’s she want with you? She tryin’ to pull some Mrs. Robinson shit on you? Saw somethin’ she liked?”

“Relax, Mickey. She’s just a friendly older lady. She didn’t do anything, we just talked for a bit. She’s nice,” Ian tries to assuage the situation. “Plus, you are aware I’m not attracted to women, right? And she’s old enough to be my grandma. Don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Whatever, man. Come in here and flip some fuckin’ pancakes.”

———

The next Saturday morning, Ian decides to skip his run and knock on Rhonda’s door to see if she wants to take a walk with him. He really enjoyed their chat last week; it felt good to talk to someone new, someone who had no preconceived notions about him or his life. He wanted to continue that.

He knocks on the door and Rhonda answers, dressed in lilac colored athletic wear, long hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was in remarkable shape for her 65+ years.

“Well hello, handsome. I was just getting ready to go do some yoga on the roof. Would you like to come?”

“Uh, sure,” he replies. “I was actually going to see if you wanted to come on a walk but yoga sounds nice. I’ve been wanting to try it but didn’t wanna go alone, and yoga’s not really Mickey’s thing so…” he drifts off.

“I have an extra mat, let me grab it and we’ll head upstairs!” Rhonda says cheerfully.

Once they’re all set up, Rhonda begins, ”I like to start my mornings with something called sun salutation. Do you know what that is?”

“No. I don’t really know anything about yoga, just that it’s supposed to be good for you. Always wanted to try it, especially since moving here. Show me?” Ian requests.

She walks him through step by step, reaching up to the sky and back down. They go through some basic flows, downward dog, warrior, tree pose, cat-cow. She makes sure he concentrates on his breathing.

“All done!” Rhonda chirps and they sit up from their final shavasana position.

Ian feels amazing. Relaxed and limber and strong. He’s surprised how difficult some of the poses are, especially because he’s always considered himself to be in pretty good shape. Yoga is definitely something he wants to continue. Rhonda really knows her stuff, too. Maybe he could convince Mickey to do yoga on the roof so he wouldn’t have to go to an actual class with people.

“Wow, Ms. Rhonda, that was incredible. I see why people love yoga. I feel amazing.”

“We can make this a regular thing, if you like,” she offers.

“Sure, I’d love that. Maybe I could bring Mickey sometime?” he asks.

“Sure thing, handsome!” She smiles at him.

“So, your Mickey. Tell me about him. What made you fall in love with him?” Rhonda asks casually, like she’s just making conversation but he knows she’s trying to dive deeper, get to know him better. He can’t figure out why she’s taken such an interest in him but she’s just so sincere. He can’t help but feel a connection with her.

“Well, Mickey is… complicated. He’s rough and tender. He’s vulgar and beautiful. He’s tough but so kind. He’s… everything.” Ian pauses and Rhonda doesn’t say anything, indicating she wants him to continue.

“He had a rough upbringing. I did too, actually, but not nearly as rough as his. I had druggy, absentee parents and was mostly raised by my older sister Fiona. Struggled to pay bills. Had to steal to survive sometimes. But Mickey…” Ian drifts off, not sure how much deeper he should go. There’s just something about this kind, welcoming woman in front of him that makes him want to open up. He wants to be careful though, as Mickey’s story isn’t entirely for him to tell. He wants to be respectful of that.

“Mickey was raised mostly by his dad who was in and out of prison. His dad was homophobic and violent and was awful to Mickey. Obviously he didn’t support us being together. Mickey had to hide who he truly was for so long which made it tough on our relationship. But we survived all that and Mickey now is just… he has rough edges. Anyone that is around him can see that. He’s Southside through and through. But when you really get to know him… he’s the best person I know. I guess that’s why I love him. Because he’s just… good. And he’s always had my back no matter what. He’s damn good in bed too, so there’s that,” he laughs.

“Oh trust me, I can tell you boys have no trouble in that department!” she cackles and Ian blushes.

Her tone turns a little more serious after that. “So when you say his father was homophobic and Mickey couldn’t be who he really was…” she leaves it open ended for Ian to fill in the blanks.

He sighs, “Yeah, um. His dad had threatened to kill him. And me. Actually tried, after our wedding. He caught us together once, years ago, naked in the living room. It was… really bad. Traumatizing but I won’t go into details. Mickey spent his whole life hiding deep in the closet because of his dad. My family always supported me and loved me no matter what, but Mickey didn’t have that. We had to hide our relationship for years which was tough. I just wanted to be a normal couple, be able to hold his hand in public, shit like that. But he was scared. Wanted to make his dad proud. He finally came out… I kinda pushed him which wasn’t my proudest moment. But he came out and his dad beat us up. It was awful, but he was out so it was kinda freeing too, I guess? I don’t know. Then there was my diagnosis in the midst of all this. I don’t really tell a lot of people about it but I’m bipolar. Did some crazy shit when I was in a bad manic state several years ago. Then spent some weeks in bed, couldn’t even get up. Mickey never left my side. I’m really not sure where I would have ended up if it wasn’t for him. He saved my life. I’m stable now, on meds that are working well for me. Plus Mickey is really good at picking up on shit, like if he thinks I’m starting to get depressed or something. He’ll say something or do something to help me through it, but like, subtle.” It’s all coming out like word vomit. But it feels so therapeutic at the same time, like just saying these words out loud lightens the weight of them.

“I don’t know. We broke up a few times over the years, forced apart by circumstances out of our control. Oh, and we were in prison together for awhile. We’ve been through some shit. We’d be here all day if I told you even half of it. But despite all that we found our way back to each other and never have to let go again.”

“How long have you two been together?” she asks.

“On and off for ten years. Since we were just dumb teenagers, banging secretly in the walk-in cooler at work,” Ian answers.

“Well that’s one hell of a story, Ian. I’m sorry things were bad for so long but I’m so happy you are in a good place now. Your Mickey sounds just wonderful though and I can’t wait to get to know him better. Maybe we could do dinner one night! I’m a pretty fantastic cook.”

“That actually sounds really great, thank you. I’ll check our schedule,” Ian replies.

“Anytime next week works so just let me know.”

They get up and begin to roll up their mats.

“You know, I just realized,” Ian states. “I don’t really know anything about you. I’ve just been droning on about myself. What’s your story?”

“Oh, Ian. I promise, we can discuss my wild life at dinner,” she laughs.

“Sounds perfect,” Ian smiles.

———

“We gotta do what?” Mickey complains.

“We are going over to Rhonda’s for dinner this Friday. It’ll be fun. She’s wonderful. You’re gonna love her. She’s really excited to get to know you better.”

“Better? You’ve already fuckin’ told her a bunch’a shit about me, haven’t you?” Mickey grumbles.

“Listen, Mick. Yes, I’ve given her the gist of our lives and our relationship, nothing too in depth. I didn’t go into great detail about your history because I didn’t think it was my place,” Ian explains. “Just told her how rough we had it in the past. She’s just so kind, and she really listens, no judgment.”

Mickey hesitates. “Alright, fine. I’ll go. But if this woman isn’t as amazing as you say she is I’m leaving. Unless the food is really good or there’s free booze. Then I’ll stay.”

Ian just rolls his eyes and gives him a hug, whispering a quiet “thank you” in his ear.

———

Friday is here before Ian knows it. He’s chatted more with Rhonda this week, seeing her for a few minutes in the laundry room, waiting for his clothes to dry. Then again out by the pool when he went to swim some laps. They were both looking forward to dinner.

“Mick, you about ready? It’s almost 7,” Ian yells back to the bedroom from the living room.

Mickey walks out into the living room wearing his black skinny jeans with the ripped knees and a gray long sleeved waffle knit shirt with his black boots.

“Wow, Mickey, you look really nice.” Ian walks up and kisses him on the forehead. “You smell great too, what is that?”

“Some cologne I found at some fuckin’ hipster shop the other day. Thought it smelled nice. Wanted to make a good impression on your new best friend,” Mickey states, with a slight hint of feigned attitude.

“You’re my best friend, Mick. Rhonda’s just a nice lady that I enjoy talking to and hanging out with. She’s definitely a friend though, the only friend I’ve made here and I really like her company.”

“If you insist. Let’s go, I’m fuckin’ starving.”

PART 2

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 65 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Chapter 65 seems like a good time to tell you that there’s nothing we love more than talking to you guys about this story! We are both on tumblr (@theartificialdane and @veronicasanders) and we’d love to hear from you!! We also have other Galactica content there under the “galactica” and “galactica wardrobe” tags. XOXO!! Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: Bianca threw a wrench in the annual holiday party when she brought Courtney as her date, and Katya tried to (not) deal with her surprise pregnancy.

This Chapter: Miss Fame and the team work on the final lineup for the spring runway, and Katya figures some things out.

***

It was Violet’s luck that she was a light sleeper, the first note of her alarm barely ringing before she had grabbed her phone from under her pillow and turned it off.

There really wasn't a need for Violet to wake up at 6, for her to start her day so early since she couldn’t go to the gym because of her ankle, but habits were hard to break, and she liked how quiet the world was in the morning, how it felt like she was the only one awake.

She wasn’t hungover, had barely had a drink because of her crutches, but she had a feeling all of her coworkers would be wearing sunglasses and asking each other to shut up, the Friday after the Christmas party always an experience.

Sutan’s bedroom was dark, his curtains swallowing the ever present lights of Harlem, the man asleep next to her, his head resting on his pillow.

It took everything in Violet not to reach out and run her fingers through his hair.

She had been so annoyed with him last night, so uncomfortable in the beautiful red dress she had bought with his money, the simmering anger not leaving her until she had felt Sutan’s clever fingers undo the zipper on her back, skin against skin finally freeing her from the smoldering fire.

“Stop staring at me.” Violet froze, Sutan’s voice deep with sleep.

“I’m not.”

“Oh?” Sutan cracked an eye open, a smile playing on his lips as he reached out, grabbing her hip on top of her blanket. “Could have fooled me.”

“Well,” Violet smiled back, allowing him to pull her in, “Maybe I was. A little bit.”

***

As her alarm sounded, Courtney groaned, burying her head into Bianca’s neck. Bianca laughed, reaching over to hit snooze, giving them a few more precious minutes in bed before Courtney had to get up.

Bianca had never been much of a morning person, but she’d discovered that, in many ways, this was her favorite part of the day. When the world was dark and still, and they were curled together under the covers, naked and warm. She trailed her fingers up and down Courtney’s back, pressed a kiss to her temple.

“You okay, sunshine?” Bianca asked.

“Mmmhmm...I just don’t want to go to work.”

Bianca smiled, one hand settling into the curve of Courtney’s waist, enjoying the way they fit so perfectly together.

“Then don’t,” she stated, warming up to the idea of taking a day off, just the two of them. “Call in sick.”

“I wish,” Courtney scoffed, a deep sigh leaving her. “But I can’t, so…”

“Why not?”

“The day after a party? Everyone will think I have some crazy hangover.”

“Yeah, so?” Bianca laughed.

“Plus, I’m pretty sure Miss Fame is less than pleased with me right now. I don’t want to give her any reason to be annoyed. And there’s a big meeting to decide on the spring runway, and I have to-”

“Alright, alright...forget I suggested it,” Bianca said, holding up her hands in surrender. “I just really liked the idea of spending all day in bed with you.”

Courtney raised herself up on her elbow, gazing down at Bianca with a dreamy smile on her face.

“Maybe, um...can we do that tomorrow?”

“You’re on, angel,” Bianca said, reaching up to run her fingers through her hair.

“And...we still have about seven minutes before the alarm goes off again.” Courtney brushed her lips against Bianca’s neck, murmuring, “You wanna go back to sleep, or…?”

“Hmmm...” Bianca cocked her head, pretending to think. “I may have some other ideas…”

Courtney let out a delighted squeal as Bianca flipped her onto her back with a wicked grin.

***

Maxwell groaned as a loud clatter sounded through the design floor.

“Sorry!” Kiara whisper-shouted, quickly picking up the pair of scissors she had dropped. Trixie had gone to the department head meeting about 20 minutes ago, which meant that everyone had given up the pretense that they were working. Alexis had gone straight for the couch to take a nap as soon as the door had closed behind him, April still nursing a terrible-looking green smoothie at her desk. “Sorry everyone!”

“Don’t even think about it girl!” Bob smiled, his phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear, and Maxwell groaned again, sliding down so he could rest his head on his arms, Bob chatting away.

He loved his boyfriend, he really did, but there were few things more annoying than when Bob had managed to get into any tabloid, the perceived fame of it always going directly to his head. And of course, it was made even worse by his friends and family back home in Georgia playing right into it, acting as if it meant anything at all.

“Listen, I didn’t ask to be born fabulous, but it’s my cross to bear, and I’m-” Bob laughed, adding, “Exactly!”

“He’s really getting into it, huh?” Maxwell looked up to see Violet standing next to his desk, looking over at Bob, Jovan at her side holding three cups of coffee.

“Here,” Jovan smiled, giving one of them to Maxwell, the scent filling his nose.

“Oh god I love you,” Maxwell grinned, taking the liquid magic. It was probably not healthy to be on his third cup already, but he didn’t care.

“Love you too boo,” Jovan grinned, taking a seat on the edge of his desk, Violet doing the same, balancing her crutch so she could take her own cup. They didn’t talk, and Maxwell loved that, Violet fitting so nicely into their little boys club that he barely even thought about the fact that she was a girl and straight most days.

***

“Pearl! Pay attention!”

Pearl snapped out of it, the wheels of her chair squeaking as she moved, her eyes wide open at the commanding tone in Fame’s voice.

“Sorry!” Pearl sat up straight, Bendela hiding a snicker behind a sketchbook, her brown eyes clearly filled with delight over Pearl getting reprimanded.

“God,” Fame rolled her eyes, her hand on her hip, her outfit of the day a white cropped cashmere sweater and white linen high waisted pants, her blonde hair in a high delicate updo, a golden belt snug around her waist. “Did anyone come to work today?”

If they had been alone, Pearl would have opened her mouth to point out that she was the one who always arranged for the Christmas party to be on a Thursday, but they weren’t, so Pearl kept her mouth shut.

“Fame,” Raja’s voice was warm, and it apparently functioned just as intended, her tone a soothing balm on whatever had Fame into such a tizzy. “We’re almost done.”

If Pearl had to make an educated guess, she’d say it was probably the whole Courtney and Bianca thing, though it could be anything from her breakfast grapefruit not being ripe to morning traffic to a photographer catching a bad angle of her last night.

“You’re right,” Fame sat back down, sliding her chair over to Trixie. “So, fourth look. What do you have?”

“I was thinking about these pants?” Trixie held out a sketch, and Pearl folded her hands over her stomach, watching her best friend do his job exceptionally well.

Fame tapped her fingers against the table, french tips hitting the wood and Pearl made a mental note to see if she could sneak in a visit to Fame’s office, providing their boss with an orgasm before lunch a great Christmas gift to everyone in the company.

***

V-List Alert: BDR’s Latest Blonde Bombshell

[Pictured: A large photo of Bianca and Courtney kissing on the red carpet, along with a few smaller shots of them looking giggly and affectionate. And lastly, a grainy, low-res photo of them on the street after the event, kissing while a driver is opening the car door.]

Well, well, well…

Okay, so to begin with, let’s all admit that BDR showing up on a red carpet with some sweet young thing is nothing new. In fact, it would be strange if she didn’t. But the shameless PDA last night at Galactica’s annual Christmas party—both on and off the carpet—had us wondering...who the hell is the new paramour?

We did a bit of digging and strap in kids, cause it gets juicy…

Turns out that this little darling is named Courtney Jenek. Sound familiar? No? Yeah it shouldn’t. But she happens to have two very interesting connections to BDR: 1, apparently she’s friends with B’s baby sister, princess of the underground punk scene Adore Delano. And 2, even more hilariously, Lil Courtney here is the Executive Assistant to none other than Miss Fame of Galactica.

Wonder what the illustrious and brand-conscious Miss Fame thinks of her bestie using her staff in what appears to be an extremely filthy unprofessional way? And how’s it all gonna play out?

We can’t wait to watch this drama unfold…

***

As Courtney slipped on her coat and grabbed her bag to head downstairs for yet another coffee run, she glanced at her personal phone, laughing to herself when she saw the 17 missed calls from Morgan. She scrolled through the text messages in the elevator.

MORGAN: COURTNEYYYYYYYY!!!

MORGAN: OMG PICK UP

MORGAN: WERE YOU PLANNING TO TELL US YOU’RE FUCKING BIANCA DEL RIO?????

TYRA: She’s WHAT

ADORE: You guys didn’t know? ;)

TATIANNA: Yawn, old news :p

MORGAN: BITCH

MORGAN: COURTNEY I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON’T PICK UP

MORGAN: COURTNEYCOURTNEYCOURTNEYCOURTNEYCOURTNEY

Courtney called her back, laughing some more when she picked up even before the first ring.

“You know I’m working, right?”

“I am going to murder you,” Morgan announced.

“Wow Morgan. A hate crime? I really thought more highly of you,” Courtney replied with a giggle.

“Omigod, shut up! How could you not have told me already?!”

“Well...I don’t know, I wasn’t sure what it was at first-” she said.

“It’s still fucking major!” Morgan laughed. “I guess it makes sense, though. God, you always chose the worst men.”

Courtney chuckled, nodding as she exited the elevator and headed for the coffee shop.

“So what did your parents say?”

“Uhhh...I haven’t exactly told them yet.”

“Courtney!”

“What? It’s not gonna be dramatic or anything, you know my brother’s gay.”

“Omigod, Court, you absolute idiot. You have to-”

“One sec.” Courtney lowered her phone to give the orders for the meeting, then went back to the phone. “Sorry, I’m on a coffee run.”

“Yeah, I heard. Listen, Courtney, you have to tell them! Do you really want them to find out that you’re dating a woman who’s almost twice your age from a fucking tabloid?”

“I don’t think my parents subscribe to American fashion blogs.”

“Did you even read the link I sent you?! Someone’s gonna send it to them, trust me.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell them,” Courtney told her with an eye roll. She really didn’t see the big deal though; telling her parents was the last thing on her list of worries at the moment.

“Also…” Morgan’s voice lowered, taking on a sing-song, teasing tone now that the business was out of the way, “When are we hanging out? ‘Cause you know I absolutely need all the sordid details.”

“Soon, I promise.”

“Tomorrow night?”

“I’m kind of busy tomorrow,” Courtney admitted.

“Busy getting railed, you mean?”

“Maybe…”

“Ha, you slag.”

***

Maybe she was avoiding going home. That was certainly possible. But on Friday, Katya just seemed to keep finding things to do to prepare for the next week of school. It would be their last week before winter break, so she knew that any kind of serious learning would be difficult. Rather than spend her time fighting with the kids to focus when they just weren’t capable of it, she planned as many fun projects as possible, and though a lot of them were old hat for her by now, the prep work never seemed to end.

Which is why, when Jasmine, the woman who ran the afterschool program, came to her door at almost 6:45, she was still there.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you…”

“It’s no bother, come on in,” Katya said, a big smile on her face, especially when she saw that Jasmine had Grace with her--one of Katya’s favorite students.

“You know we close at 6, and Grace’s mom is running late today,” Jasmine said. Her tone of voice was light and cheerful, but her eyes told Katya a different story--that this wasn’t the first time it had happened, and that she was likely furious. “I gotta get home, and Dani’s out with the flu, so...do you mind keeping her here until Leslie shows up? It should be soon, she texted me ten minutes ago that she’s on the way.”

“No problem. We’ll have a great time, won’t we Grace?”

The little girl nodded, skipping into the classroom happily.

“You’re a lifesaver,” Jasmine said. “Thank you!”

Katya turned to Grace, who had dumped her jacket and backpack on the rug and was already prowling around the book bins, likely looking for her favorite Junie B. Jones stories. Soon, the two of them were settled into bean bag chairs in the comfy zone, Katya reading a few chapters out loud to her before realizing that she was probably hungry and suggesting a snack. Grace was just finishing her juice box and goldfish crackers when her young mother, Leslie, came rushing inside, harried and out of breath, apologizing profusely.

“Mama!” Grace jumped up from her seat at the little table, knocking the chair over in her excitement to leap into her mom’s arms. She hugged her tightly, face buried in her neck, and Katya could see some of the tension in Leslie’s face melt away.

Katya stood up from her own seat, picking up the book they’d been reading.

“I’m gonna put this book in Grace’s backpack so that you can finish it together this weekend,” she said, and Leslie shot her a look of pure gratitude, nodding.

“Grace, can you say thank you to Mrs. Zamo?”

“Thank you Mrs. Zamo!” she echoed cheerfully, taking the backpack and her jacket as Leslie dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

“Honey, can you go wait for me on the bench for a minute?” she asked, tugging gently on one of her pigtails.

“Okay!”

As Grace skipped into the hallway to wait, Leslie turned to Katya, tears filling her eyes.

“I’m really so sorry about being late, I-”

“It’s okay,” Katya said, head tilted sympathetically. “I get it, things happen.”

“It’s been happening all week. I got this new job, and the hours are so tough and the commute is shit, but it’s an extra two dollars an hour and I can’t say no to that. But I just feel like...I feel like I can’t do anything right.”

“I understand,” Katya nodded, putting a hand on her arm. The truth was, though, she didn’t understand. Not really. She’d never been in a position where an extra two dollars an hour would make such a big difference in her life--not even when her dad cut her off. She’d always had money, and by the time her trust fund was depleted, she was living with Trixie, whose generous salary more than covered what they needed, her meager teacher’s salary mostly paying for fun extras, keeping them entertained and living their best lives, or just going in the bank.

She knew she was lucky, but until that moment, seeing the pain in Leslie’s eyes, the fear that she was failing at life and failing her child, maybe she didn’t understand just how lucky.

“I was sitting on the bus thinking about her waiting and waiting, wondering where I was.”

“Can I tell you something?” she asked softly. “Grace didn’t care that you were late, she was just happy to see you when you got here, because it’s really obvious what a good mom you are.”

“Sometimes I feel like the worst mom ever,” Leslie admitted, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“No way. Grace is an amazing kid. She’s smart and kind and enthusiastic--and it’s totally okay if you need some more help. That’s what all of us are here for. I can talk to Jasmine about maybe extending the hours next week, until you can get your schedule sorted. Or maybe Grace can go home with Joey’s mom...don’t you all live in the same building?”

Leslie nodded, a deep sigh leaving her. “Thanks, that’s a good idea. I...I’ll figure it out.”

“Okay. Just remember that you’re not in this alone, you know?” Katya handed over a box of tissues from her desk.

“Yeah. Thanks. Sorry, I-” Leslie wiped her eyes.

“Don’t be sorry,” Katya said, giving her a warm hug.

***

“Oh god!” Gigi groaned, pushing the door to the modeling apartment open, her shoulders aching, her fingertips numb. “Finally!” She dumped her bags down in the hallway, slumping against the wall.

She had been around the town with Sutan all day, shopping for what he called a model wardrobe, Gigi trying on several pairs of heels and flats, her new backpack and purse stuffed with a newly printed book and her brand new phone, their last stop of the day Gigi’s new gym that was just around the corner.

“Gigi?” Bimini popped her head out of the kitchen door, the golden rim around her eyes and her crimped hair clear indicators that meant she had been shooting, Bimini rarely bothering with removing hair and makeup on set. “Welcome home sweetie! How did it go?”

“I’m exhausted!” Gigi pushed out from the wall and kicked her sneakers off. “Who knew shopping could be that hard?”

Gigi heard Symone giggle, her friend sitting at the table and painting her nails, the apartment's newest arrival chopping vegetables for whatever vegan crock pot Bimini was cooking for everyone. They had someone new arrive every couple of days, most girls only staying for a night or two in the bunk beds in what Naomi had dubbed the summer camp room before they were shipped off again if they didn’t interest any of the agents.

“I told you, didn’t I?”

“I know,” Gigi groaned, dumping down in a chair to rest her aching feet, “but I thought you were kidding.” Symone had gone on the trip two weeks ago, her Instagram exploding with content now that she had a brand new phone to post with.

“Did he give you the drink speech too?”

She had eaten lunch with Sutan at an awkwardly fancy restaurant, three sets of cutlery surrounding her plate, her manager going through each set as well as her wine glasses, explaining it to her. Gigi’s mom had always insisted on good manners, but it hadn’t been anything like that.

“The ‘never leave your drink unattended’ one, I mean.”

“Mmh,” Gigi nodded. “The whole entire speech.”

She hoped it’d be unnecessary, but Sutan had run her through what he called the basic safety procedures like putting a hand or a napkin over her glass when she wasn’t paying attention, her manager drilling it into her skull that she shouldn’t accept poured drinks or opened bottles from strangers in clubs unless she saw the bartender prepare it.

“Is he seriously doing all that?” Naomi raised an eyebrow. “So far, all my agent has told me is that if I showed up in any tabloid looking messy, he’d drop my ass.”

Suddenly, Sutan’s mothering didn’t feel as smothering, the attention and assistance the man had poured over her nothing compared to the terrifying thought of being left basically on her own like Naomi.

***

At first, Katya wasn’t sure why she stopped at Macy’s on the way home. Especially now, on a Friday night during the holiday season, when the sales clerks were at their most frazzled.

She wandered around, unable to get Grace and Leslie out of her mind...and in particular, the look of pure joy on Grace’s face when her mother appeared in the doorway. Leslie was a single mom, and by the look of her, she was pretty young, but she had managed to raise an exceptional kid who was sure how much she was loved.

Why was Katya so afraid of having a baby? It was like she’d told Leslie--she wouldn’t be doing it alone. Not by a long shot. No, she was fortunate to have the most wonderful man in the universe by her side. And lord knew, Trixie would make up for any maternal instincts she may lack herself. And plenty of people, people much less capable and loving than her, had babies every day.

She stopped, looking around, realizing that she’d found herself in the baby department. Specifically, in front of a shelf full of tiny little infant shoes. She smiled to herself, knowing exactly what she needed.

When she arrived home, she was thrilled to see that Trixie had prepared dinner, heating up some leftover chicken and mashed potatoes and throwing together a salad--exactly what she was in the mood for.

She smiled when she saw him, announcing, “I brought you a present.”

Trixie’s face lit up, and for a split second she could imagine that exact same expression of joy on a tiny child, the thought making her insides warm as she handed him the little bag.

He looked inside, where the two tiny pink moccasin slippers sat in their plastic box, his head then snapping up to look at her with an expression of amazement.

“Kat, are you-” His eyes were bright with tears, hopeful but still a bit tentative.

She shrugged slightly, self-consciously, afraid to say what she’s been thinking out loud, but Trixie seemed to know anyway.

He rushed forward and swept her up into the biggest, tightest hug she’d ever had, repeating over and over how wonderful she was going to be. She took his face in her hands, kissing his tear-stained cheeks, finally sure that as a team, they could do it.

[psychedellic-phase]

Fifteen (pt 3)

A/N: Thank you so much for the support so far! This is the first fic I’ve posted anywhere in a long time. I’m totally down to do any requests! There are some season 6 spoilers in this part so SPOILER Alert!! xoxo R

tw: none! just more fluffiness

word count: 2444

(part 1) (part 2) 

masterlist

The third envelope, which was labeled #2, was much thicker than the first two. Spencer held it in his hands for a while, just tracing over where you wrote #2. He always made fun of you for writing it like a kindergarten teacher. 

“Adults make a two with the loop at the bottom,” He would joke any time you had to write it. 

“Good thing I’m not an adult,” You’d reply. 

He smiled at the memory. That’s one of the reasons he fell in love with you. You were so incredibly intelligent but also so clueless at the same time. You were definitely book smart. But common knowledge and sense? Not much of that in your pretty head. He liked that though; it meant you didn’t take yourself too seriously. You were down to Earth and kept him there with you, a trait he had to learn as he grew older. He didn’t even realize you taught him so much; he was always too busy trying to teach you. 

Ripping open #2 he started to read, a warm fuzzy feeling filling his chest: 

“Item 2 is a ticket to the Korean Film festival we went to together. So take it out and admire how bent and worn it is. I was so nervous that day I folded it into tiny pieces in my pocket just so my hands had something to do.”

He took it out of the plastic bag you put it in. It really was bent and worn, so much so you could barely read the name and date, July 7. 

“That was our first official date, though we had a lot of time to bond between November 17 and that day. Emily died. Well, not really, but we thought she did. We’d take turns crying on the other’s shoulder. Some days I’d show up at yours and you’d immediately know that I just needed you to be strong for me. I’d often return the favor. We were still just friends then, but our pain bonded us in ways no one else really understood. We get each other, Spence, or at one point in our lives we did. I’m not so sure I understand you anymore, at least not like I used to.  Sometimes I’d come over and we wouldn’t cry. You’d teach me chess and card games. But usually we would cry, and that was okay. 

That was the start of our platonic sleepovers. Do you remember our first one? The night I cried myself to sleep on your couch and instead of kicking me out you put a blanket over me. You thought I was out cold, but I felt you tuck it around me, your hands lingering for a second too long. For the next few weeks we did that when we didn’t have cases. We’d talk about Em and life and everything and cry, and one of us would crash on the other’s couch. Then, if Hotch didn’t send the bat signal for us, we’d get coffee and pancakes the following morning at IHOP. It became a sweet tradition, born out of one of the darkest times in my life. You always took me at my most vulnerable, loved me, and kept me safe. I don’t think I ever really thanked you for that. So, thank you. 

Everyone else didn’t think they were platonic. I mean if I were them I wouldn’t have thought we were ‘just friends’ either. The fact that we started carpooling together after our sleepovers probably didn’t help our case. I remember one time I brought you to work with me after an IHOP blueberry pancake breakfast. Rossi ran into us in the elevator and commented that you had on the same exact suit as the day before and that we had been coming to work together a lot lately. We both blushed profusely; we knew what his side eye meant.  It’s funny how everyone else knew we loved each other except us. Some profilers we are. 

Okay so back to the ticket. Emily’s loss made me look at life differently. Before she died, I confided in her how I felt. She’s the closest thing to a best friend I ever had. Being her usual supportive self, she told me to go for it. That you felt the same about me. That we’d be perfect for each other. That you adored me. I desperately wanted her to be right, so I selfishly believed her. 

When she left, I realized how quickly we can lose each other. And her support of us told me what I needed to do. In some weird way it felt like I was doing her justice by pursuing you. I decided I wasn’t going to wait and risk losing you too. So I bought tickets to the Korean film festival in Georgetown you talked about for weeks, even though I know zero Korean. I walked up to you and flashed two tickets. The look on your face is one I’ll never forget. Your eyes lit up and you smiled bigger than I had seen in months. You (thankfully) agreed to go with me. 

“I didn’t know you knew Korean,” You said as I drove us there. (I sneakily put on Stacy’s Mom then too, but I don’t think you realized)”

He chuckled. He most definitely did notice that, but what you didn’t notice was how he looked at you as you mumbled the lyrics to yourself. It was dusk and the street lights illuminated your face just so. It occurred to him then that he’d never seen anyone more beautiful than you in that moment, and probably never would again. 

Spencer put the ticket and letter down on the table and got up to pace again. He knows exactly how this story ends; he wrote it with you. And in this story he’s the villain. 

His stomach twisted up in knots. He rushed back to the table to grab the letter, but his eyes were too bleary with tears to read any of the words. Truthfully, he didn’t want to read them. He wasn’t ready to relive it yet. He wasn’t ready to feel it, because up until now he still got to see you and talk to you. He was able to protect you, just like he had all those nights when you cried in his arms. 

He blinked forcefully a few times, forcing his vision to clear enough to keep going.  

“I told you I didn’t know Korean. All I know is enough Spanish to get myself through cases. You smiled at that. 

“Then why did you want to come?” You asked me. 

“Because you wanted to come.” My answer was honest. I love so many things I never thought I would because of you, Spence. You didn’t answer me; the smile on your face was answer enough. Naturally, I got even more nervous. 

“So since there are no subtitles will you translate for me as it happens?” I asked; you nodded. 

We were strolling around the park the festival was at. It was warm out but you still had on pants and a dress shirt. I don’t know how you did that. I had on a dress and was still sweating. We got there early and were waiting for the first movie to start. 

“You know, (Y/N), 1.2 million Americans speak Korean. Korean culture is becoming a vibrant subculture in America. The success of things like anime, Korean Dramas and Korean pop music are just going to add to that number.”

That’s when I looked at you. Your hair had gotten a little longer, but it was cute. Looking back, every hair you’ve ever had was cute. I miss running my hands through it to mess it up. Your eyes were trained on the people milling around us, and mine were on you. I love when you spew out stats. Contrary to popular belief, smart IS sexy. But anyways, your eyes looked so brown and reflected the lights so beautifully. I’ll miss staring into them and getting lost. I once told you I never liked the color brown until I saw your eyes. That’s still true. 

“But like 50 million speak Spanish. So I think my tenth grade skills are more applicable,” I joked. 

“It’s actually 41 million and I agree. Spanish is a very important language to know. But only a tenth grade level? Say something in Spanish.”

“Tú y yo va a ver una película,” I said in the worst Spanish accent ever. You laughed and said some beautiful Korean like it was nothing. I grabbed your hand. You flinched and looked at me confused. I gave it a reassuring squeeze and ran my thumb across the parts of your hand I could reach. That’s when you realized this was a “date” date and not a friend date. I could almost immediately see the red creep up your cheeks. 

We found a place to sit and the movie started. It was called The Housemaid. And true to your word you translated the whole thing for me, much to the dismay of everyone around us. I found myself nestled into your side with your arm around me. You were whispering everything in my ear. Your breath tickled my neck and sent a chill down my spine. Truthfully, I missed half of what you said because I was too focused on not losing my shit. Here you were, the guy I was in love with, arm around me whispering sweet foreign words in my ear. Anyone would melt instantly. 

We got through two and a half movies that night. I don’t remember the other two—“

“Sisters on the Road and A Frozen Flower!” Spencer spoke out loud then, as if you could hear him. When he realized you definitely couldn’t hear him because you were in Seattle, and definitely not in his apartment, he groaned and kept reading. 

“We had already watched like four hours of movies and I was getting hungry. So, we stopped and got ice cream. I scolded you for getting a large when we both know you can’t have dairy, to which you just shrugged and said, “Dairy allergies are the most common in the world. 65% of the population has issues with lactose. You can’t expect 4,485,000,000 people to not eat ice cream, especially when it’s delicious.” 

I rolled my eyes, “Well don’t come crying to me when your tummy hurts later.”

“Oh I most definitely will be coming and crying to you.”

We walked like that for a while, hand in hand, until the chill of the night got to us. We made our way back to my car and you opened the door for me like a gentleman. I wanted to invite you back to my place, but I thought that might give the wrong impression for a first date. So instead I drove you home and you didn’t invite me in. I was a little hurt, honestly. I have been in your apartment more times than I can count, so what was one more? It’s okay though. You made up for it. Remember? 

We were sitting on the side of the street and you didn’t get out of the car yet. The windows were down and the radio was off. We listened to the sound of crickets and passing cars as we enjoyed each other’s company in a different way than we ever had before. 

“It’s almost midnight, get some sleep. Your brain needs rest after all that translating.” 

“Your brain doesn’t rest when you sleep, your body does,” You said and turned to me. Our faces were probably only six inches apart. Your breath was hot on my cheeks and you kept doing that damn tongue thing. 

“But you need some sleep (Y/N). You don’t sleep well.”

“I sleep well on your couch,” I said and you smiled. The space between us had gotten much much smaller. 

I put my hand on your cheek and felt the slight stubble there. You made the first move Spence. All I did was hold your face, you’re the one who closed the gap. 

That was one of the best kisses of my life. It lasted maybe ten seconds, but it was ten seconds that took years to get to. It was all that longing and pining and pent up feelings released at once. Nothing in the world is as special as kissing you, Spencer Reid. 

That next Monday we got shit from the team. Garcia is such a blabbermouth. Derek and Rossi made fun of us like middle schoolers. Hotch gave us that big bad ‘one of you will have to leave speech’. Deep down they were all happy for us. We all needed something to be happy about. And we were happy Spence, so so happy. Until we weren’t. 

So take this bent up ticket and admire it again before placing the memory of our first date on a shelf in the corner of your mind that will get dusty. I hope someday you’ll brush it off and relive it. 

There’s a Korean proverb I learned from you, that means: ‘At the end of hardship comes happiness.’ 

I hope that’s true.

xo,

YN”

Spencer put the letter down and picked up the ticket. He walked across the living room to a corkboard on the wall. There he took a pushpin and fastened the ticket to the board. It was surrounded by pictures of everyone he loves. Group pictures, his mom, Henry, pictures of the two of you. But in the center of it all was that ticket that had been so bent up because of how nervous you were for your date. He never told you how nervous he was then too. He had to make sure he wasn’t stuttering through the translations. Your close proximity to him, the smell of your perfume, and warmth of your body pressed against him made it hard to think. He held your hand so tightly that night because he thought that maybe you wouldn’t notice how badly they were shaking. He only got up the nerve to kiss you because when you weren’t looking he texted Derek, and he told him he had to. He remembered how his heart felt like it was leaping out of his chest when he closed the gap, how you sighed into him, how you sucked on his lower lip ever so slightly. You were right, nothing is quite like kissing the love of your life. It’s like every kiss you ever had before that kiss, the kiss, didn’t count. It’s the only kiss that matters. 

He admired the ticket one last time, before reaching in to grab envelope #3. 

Part 4!

tags: @l0ve-0f-my-life​

- if you would like to be added to the tag list just let me know! 

[maerenee930]

7, 10, 34, 47, 55 from the 65 questions :)

7. what shirt are you wearing?

- a black cropped tank top i got from Torrid and a Black sweatshirt i got from Hot Topic that has Sam from Supernatural on it and on the back it says Moose 😅 (it’s one of my favorite sweatshirts 🥰🖤)

10. what were you doing at midnight last night?

- i was laying in my bed. my depression was (and still kinda is, tbh) pretty bad and i didn’t feel like watching anything, so i just laid in bed, was letting myself feel how i need to and just let myself be. idk how else to describe it lol. i just was there 😅 and then my younger cousin came in my room (she stayed the night for the past few nights lol) and she was gonna get ready to go to bed and then she was being all goofy and singing some weird song she made up and that made me think of something, which lead us to bringing up random little (i guess) inside jokes we’ve made over the past 2 days and from last week and we got in one of those laughing fits for like almost 10 minutes 😅 like where we just ended up laughing at each other laughs and it somehow made it even funnier even though all of it was really stupid lol.

47. if you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

- are you living the way you’ve always wanted to and dreamed of?

(going on adventures, traveling with friends and a significant other. doing what my heart desires. living life to the fullest and doing what makes me truly happy)

55. can you do any accents other than your own?

- umm… i can kind of do a british accent. like not a super cheesy or the typical one people do to make themselves sound fancy lol. i love doctor who and have watched so many other english shows so when i’m alone i will talk to myself or my cat in those accents lol. oh or one time one of my best friends and i talked in british accents the whole day and later that night (like maybe 1am lol) we went out to eat with my brother and we were still talking like that (it was hard to stop and we were having too much fun lol) and when we got to the restaurant, my brother told us that if he didn’t stop with the accent, he was gonna get in his car and leave us there 😂 it was so funny. we didn’t mean to annoy him lol but it was an added bonus lmao. and then when we got in the restaurant we slipped in and out of it and it kept making my brother so mad 😂 we weren’t doing it on purpose 😅 we just couldn’t help it.

and i can kind of do an italian accent. both my grandparents on my mom’s side are from (born and raised) italy. so they have kinda strong accents and when we make fun of my papa (my grandpa. it’s okay, he’s an ass and deserves to be made fun of) we all talk like him and do his accent 😅

and i can barely do an irish, australian or russian accent. i just try them after watching certain things and i’m not really good at them lol. if anyone wants to hear me do any of the accents i mentioned, let me know and i will absolutely make a fool of myself to entertain anyone who wants it lol.

34 is answered under here ⬇️ my answer for the next one is super long (i am so so so sorry, i didn’t mean for it to and just thought i would do this so that no one had to try and scroll past it if they didn’t want to read it. i hope that makes sense lol)

34. what was your last dream about?

- so i don’t remember my dreams from last night, but i do remember the ones from the night before 😅 so i was at some hockey game (no idea why, not really a fan of hockey at all lmao) and so in the dream not only was Robert Sheehan there, but there were some characters from a movie i used to love as a kid (a live action movie. not a cartoon lol) and the characters from that movie were flirting with me and at some point randomly one of them told me they made a bet with someone that i wouldn’t give them a kiss (i have no idea why… lmao) so i ended up giving them both a kiss each and then nothing ended up coming from that lol.

and then there was this really cute girl in my dream who was flirting with me on and off through out the whole dream and at one point she was leaving this restaurant i went to after the hockey game (she was at the game as well and then happened to be at the same restaurant afterward lol) and gave me her number, told me to call her sometime and then she kissed me and it was really cute lol.

and then not long after that, Rob came to that restaurant and i guess in my dream, he was one of my best friends and so we sat down at a table and after we ordered food and while we were eating, we were talking and catching up. and okay one point he was asking me how my day was and what i’d been up to and so i filled him in on all of it and i could see he was getting a bit bothered by it. so i asked him if he was alright and he ended up saying to me, he wanted to tell me something that’s been on his mind for a while now but didn’t know how to say it and didn’t want to make me uncomfortable.

i remember getting really nervous cause i didn’t know where he was going with this and was pretty sure i made him upset and i didn’t know why or what i might’ve done. (my anxiety likes to make me feel like i’ve done something wrong at any chance it gets 🙃) so i asked him if i did something wrong and he reassured me that i didn’t but he didn’t wanna talk about it in here. so we end up going to his place (apparently in my dream he was renting a house to stay in while he was in the US cause we were definitely no at his place in London lol. it didn’t look like it at all 😅)

and so we get settled in his place and sat down and he took me hands and apologized for not wanting to talk about this in the restaurant, for making me wait to talk about it and he understands i must be feeling pretty anxious because he didn’t give me any indication as to what he wanted to talk about. and then he also apologized for not saying this sooner. so i reassured him it was alright and that i understand him wanting to talk about whatever it is at his place and asked him again if everything is alright. so as we’re sitting on his couch, i’m sitting on it facing him but like with my legs crossed up on the couch (idk how else to describe it lol)

he scooted in closer to me and told me that he had a hard time hearing me talk about flirting with other people and saying that i kissed them. he told me it hurt him even though he tried so hard to not let it get to him or bother him but he couldn’t help it. (i honestly didn’t expect things to go in this direction lol)

so i nodded and apologized that it hurt him. i told him i truly didn’t mean to and didn’t know that was something that would’ve bothered him. i told him that i don’t ever want to hurt him and i’m so sorry that i did. he smiled sweetly at me and put his left hand on my right cheek and kinda on my neck and jawline, and told me that it was okay and i didn’t need to apologize. he said that’s not why he told me that. he didn’t mean to make me feel bad. he just wanted to be honest with me. and as he said it, he gently rubbed his thumb on my cheekbone, and said speaking of being honest, he told me that for so long he had a crush on me. he really likes me and wish he had said something sooner.

he told me he hadn’t because he couldn’t tell if i was just being nice to him or if i was flirting with him and he said honestly that he didn’t expect to have feelings for me or fall for me.

he said when he met me for the first time, he could tell we were gonna become really good friends but he honestly didn’t expect to fall for me. he said he realized how shallow this was going to sound but i’m not normally the type of person physically that he’s attracted to. (i mean, i highly doubt he would be attracted to me seeing as how i’m 5’1 and plus size lol) so he apologized for how rude that came off and i reassured him that i completely understood and wasn’t offended.

i could see he was starting to kinda beat himself up because this wasn’t going how he wanted it to and it broke my heart 🥺 i ended up putting my hands on his cheeks, pulled his face in close to mine and told him that it’s okay. i understand what he’s trying to say and i appreciate him being so honest. he gave me a little smile but still looked somewhat upset with himself. he kinda sighed and thanked me for understanding. he gave me these sweet little puppy dog eyes and said “i just- i just love you and am so in love with you and i don’t want to lose you”.

so extremely touched by what he said i blushed and gave him a smile, looked into his gorgeous green eyes and told him that i feel the exact same way about him. i said that i’ve felt that way since before we met but didn’t want to say anything because i honestly didn’t think he did or would ever feel that way about me. (and i didn’t wanna come off weird and only have him see me as a fan and then not wanna be my friend lol) but i told him that i’m so unbelievably happy that he does and i’m so in love with him, too. he gave me the cutest smile. then i pulled he face closer to mine and we kissed 🥰 after we did, he smiled and said “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that” and i told him, me too. so then he kissed me again and things progressed pretty quickly to where we ended up making out for a bit 😅 and then after that, he asked me if he could be my boyfriend 🥺 and i said i would absolutely love that 💙 and he gave me a little kiss on the nose and then i snuggled up into his side and we watched something and then i woke up 😅 - sorry i didn’t mean to ramble so much and go into so much detail lol. it just really stuck in my mind and wanted to share as much as i remembered 😅 i know it’s pretty cheesy lol.

[driverwaltz]

Precipitate

Manager!Kylo Ren x Singer!Reader

Summary: Taking up late night gigs downtown at the Starlight Lounge was always just a way to earn some extra cash. Most days you’d bartend or bus tables, but on some special days your boss, Michael, would let you act as the live music feature of the night. It was one of those nights when you met him. The dark brooding man in the corner of the dimly lit bar caught your eye and promised opportunity, but nothing could have hinted towards what he had planned for the future.

Rating: Mature. This part is tame though.

Warnings: Unfair power dynamics, age gap, eventual smut, dub-con, drug use, slow burn

Words Count: 1.7K (Ik I went overboard)

Notes: This is my first ever fanfic so pls be nice 🥺. I took the inspiration for this from a couple of songs by the band Interpol and might make a playlist to go along with each chapter. If you guys have any suggestions or constructive criticism on my writing it’d be much appreciated (and needed lol). Also, this moves REALLY slowly in the beginning, but I promise I’ll start to pick up the pace.

Part 1: Meeting place

It broke again.

The only thing that alerted me this time was Michael's voice, booming from the back end of the bar from the kitchen to where I stood near the glassware.

"The third fuckin' time this month that I gotta replace the damn martini glasses 'cause of that hunk-of-shit washer!"

It's an easy fix, he could just replace that "hunk-of-shit" once, and that way he could spare us $65 every time a set of glasses break. It would also save the poor man on the end of the line every time he calls the distributor, demanding a new dozen and a discount. I could remind him this was an option again, but I know better. No matter what I say, I know his pride will go against any sense of better judgment. So, I stay quiet. Let him go on his little tirade while I do what he pays me to do: Act sweet to an array of old drunkards who plop themselves down on the same barstools every Saturday night. After they all get comfy, I make a point to ask about their wives and how their bitch of a boss made them work overtime. At the same time, I whip up concoctions of tequila, salt, and lime for them to hurriedly gulp down and offer me gratitude. However, it's only ever through words, never an extra 15% on the tab.

Kindness in strangers. That's what I was taught. Mama kept a stack of old scripts in a wicker basket near her nightstand, and I remember rummaging through them on static summer days when it was too hot to go outside. Mama never believed in failures. She'd always tell me, "you're constantly learning and improving. Never failing, just falling — stagnant." I like to believe that's true, but I was also raised to be honest. And, In all honesty, I can't deny that Mama was a failure. She moved out to California from Georgia without telling a soul the night she turned 17. She had nothing but her new hand-me-down car, some spare cash she got from waitressing, and a small suitcase full of clothes and essentials. Her dream was to become a performer, an actress, a starlet of her generation. She tried. I know she did, but things don't work out for a reason. So, I too, was born and raised in Georgia. However, unlike how Grandman brought up Mama, I was raised off stories of Mama's journey to Tinsel Town and the people she met rather than Grimms' Fairytales. I learned how to fall asleep to softly hummed show tunes rather than lullabies. Mama never wanted to buy new children's books; instead, she would recite one of her scripts to me. When I got a bit older, I fell in love with The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams, and that's when Mama told me: "Always depend on the kindness of strangers."

I blame Mama. I believe personality is a sort of genetic trait, and I definitely got all of that from Mama. I can never say no to Michael. Not because he scares me or that I'm in full agreeance with him all the time, but whenever the word threatens to leave me lips, it chokes me. Then, I swallow it back down and resume whatever I was doing. No is never an option. It was never an option in the schoolyard or in the house, and especially not during my music classes. Mama wanted me to continue whatever legacy she had crafted for herself, and much to her disappointment, I was not much of a talker, but I was a hummer. So, Mama forced me to turn my quiet hums into fully supported singing. That was the start of it all. I took up guitar after that, and stole my dad's old records and tried to replicate what I would hear. I guess that's how I started writing music, as for what I did with that music...

"(y/n), Lucy said she comin' to take o'er you're shift in a few. If you want, you can clock out for tonight," Michael grumbled from the back in a shout.

"It's only midnight. I've only been working for about four hours, and I need the money this month, so I'm okay working for a little bit more. I can help you out in the back if you'd like," I responded. I really did need the money though, Martin's been on my ass about my lease.

Michael peered at me through the kitchen doorframe for a second, "You got your guitar in your car?"

"Yeah."

"You up to play a few songs tonight? We've got a bit more business tonight."

I felt the muscles in my face pull up and tighten against my will. I hate to admit that sometimes Michael can make me smile, and he was right. I turned to the entrance and slowly, one-by-one, people started coming in and settling down.

"Yes, sir! I'll bring it out." I exclaimed while grabbing my keys from behind the counter and making my way out to my car parked at the back.

After retrieving my case from the trunk, I quickly checked my reflection on the left-hand mirror and smoothed out my hair and touched up my lipstick. I saw a man pass by through the corner and make his way into the bar. I better make tips tonight doing this.

I waltzed back into the bar and headed for the small stage in the front. It's not really a stage more than it's a glorified black stool, but I like to think it's charming and adds character. You know, mask up the patheticness of it all. I plugged in my Fender to the worn-out amps and strummed to make sure it was in tune. There were a lot of people tonight. Well, a lot more than usual, at least. Quickly, I scanned the room for comforting faces to focus on and calm my nerves. Most of our customers were gruff men, so this trick usually didn't work, but tonight was different. In the corner by a little bust made by a local artist sat a man with thick black hair. He was by no means soft. Much like the patrons, he harbored a hard look on his face, but he struck me differently. It was intense and cold. Georgia's a hot place, so I didn't mind his gaze. It was cooling and made me freeze over.

I don't know why, but I want to impress him. Plus, looking down, I saw he was wearing a polished pair of dress shoes, so I assume he's got some money on him, maybe he'll spare me a tip. I'll just play a cover. Can't go wrong with a cover.

My fingers dragged across the guitar strings and drew out the alternating chords of D7 and Am in a back and forth pattern.

"It was the third of June, another sleepy, dusty Delta day... Mama said she got some news this mornin' from Choctaw Ridge... She said Billie Joe McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge..."

Bobbie Gentry was one of dad's favorites. I know the country wasn't a popular choice for many people, but this is the South, and Ode to Billie Joe is always a classic, and I think the dreariness of the song perfectly compliments the tone of the bar.

I played a set and earned a couple of measly tips from it. Nothing I could complain about, I guess. It was nearly 1 am, and I was getting tired. Overtime is only worth so much, so I decided it was best to go back home. I packed up my guitar and walked to the bar counter to ask Lucy to clock for me, but before I could even rest my case against the counter, I felt a man slide into the seat next to me.

"You've gotta nice voice," he drawled out while staring at the wall in front of him.

"Thank you. I perform here almost every week."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah..." I couldn't really think of how I could continue this conversation. And, trust me, I really want to. The man was wearing a black button-up shirt, grey trousers, and that impressive pair of dress shoes. His hair was long and gelled back, and his profile was exquisite. He looked strong, and his voice was deep and rich like marmalade.

"You could work on that guitar a little bit," he deadpanned as he took a swig of whiskey. I looked at him even more intensely then and scoffed.

"Really? Can you do better?"

"I never said that. I just think, with a voice like that, the guitar should match up," he said with a playful glint in his voice as he finally turned his head towards me.

Now, I really don't know how to continue this conversation.

"Alright, you caught me. I'm not that great at the guitar, but hey, I'm a bar singer, not Paul McCartney, or something," I laughed out. He smiled, and then I felt all the blood in my body rush to my cheeks, it's a miracle I didn't fall flat on my face.

"I guess I was just expecting more," he said.

"Well, I didn't promise you anything, did I?"

He looked like he was in his late 20s, probably.

"No. No, you didn't. But, maybe you could start... for next time."

"That depends. Are you gonna give me a tip."

"Yes. When I think you deserve it," he said as his face fell flat and his voice authoritative in an odd way.

"Well, I'll probably be here next Saturday so you can decide then."

"Will do," he smirked.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Kylo," he replied in a gentle voice as he once again held his glass of whiskey up. He then raised his eyebrow, and I knew he wanted an answer.

"(y/n)."

He gulped down his whiskey, turned to me, and smiled. I wanted to say something more, I had to say something, but he stopped me before I could by getting up and walking towards the door.

"I gotta be somewhere tomorrow, doll. I'm expecting a show on Saturday," he exclaimed as he stepped out the bar.

"Don't worry... I can put on a show."

He grinned one final time before escaping out of the bar, leaving me alone with his empty cup of whiskey and a smile that doesn't leave my face the entire night.

[ficnation]

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝟏

☁ 𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ☁

☁ 𝐀𝐒𝐊 𝐁𝐎𝐗 ☁

1. “I apologise in advance for the inconvenience my murder is going to have on your life.”

2. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

3. “Murder wasn’t on today’s agenda.” “It’s not on anyone’s.” “No, it’s on mine, just not until next Thursday.”

4. “Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”

5. “This is my life now. I have climbed this hill and now I will die upon it.” “Shut up. We’ve only been hiking for twenty minutes.”

6. “She’s crying, what do I do?” “Go comfort her.” “How do I do that?” “Start with hugs.” “With what?”

7. “What’s our exit strategy?” “Our what?” “Oh my god, we’re all going to die.”

8. “I’m going to need chicken blood, a knife, a lighter, and a bottle of vodka.”

“Vodka? For the bonfire?”

“No, that’s just to make me feel better about going against (Name)’s command.” (changed)

9. “Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?” “I don’t know, probably both.”

10. “I saved your lives.” “How? By stealing our freedom?” (changed)

11. “It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did.”

12. “I’m getting really tired of pretending I’m not evil.”

13. “Did you just agree with me?” “Oh I wish I could take-” “Nope! You said it! No take-backs!”

14. “It’s a long story.” “You conned me into thinking you were dead for eleven months. I have time.”

15. “I regret a lot of things. Having this conversation tops the list.”

16. “I had a thought.” “Oh no.” “I swear it’s a good one this time!’

17. “(Name), open the door!” “No. It’s cooler when you break in.” (changed)

18. “Do you think they remember you?” “I sure hope not after what I did the last time I was here.” “What did you do?” “You’ll find out.”

19. “You look…” “Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”

20. “You scared me!” “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

21. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

22. “I’d take a bullet for you, you know that.” “You’re not indestructible, and I’m going to kill you if you keep saying that.” (changed)

23. “You really have no clue who I am?” “You’d think the confused looks and blank stare would have answered that for you.”

24. “I am way too sober for this.”

25. “You don’t strike me as a professional criminal.” “That’s what makes me so good at it.”

26. “I don’t think of you as a protector. More like a distraction.”

27. “We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?” “Actually, it’s more like eight.” “Oh, sorry I wasn’t specific enough!”

28. “If you could even comprehend where I’ve come from, you would be terrified of me.”

29. “I saved your life!” “You pushed me off a building.”

30. “You know we’re not all born with the ability to be a leader, right?” (changed)

31. “How do we keep getting into these situations?” “Eleven years of friendship and I still don’t know.”

32. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed.”

33. “Are you SURE I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes.” “What if I just break his nose a little?”

34. “You are remarkably well behaved tonight. What did you do?”

35. “You’re-you’re crushing my spleen.” “You don’t even know where your spleen is.”

36. “I’m no detective, of course, but I think this dead body might not be alive anymore.”

37. “Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.” “Can I pick?”

38. “The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.” “I almost died!” “Ah yes, that was my fondest memory.”

39. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

40. “Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” “What do you want? A gold star?”

41. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

42. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think it would be if-” “At least a twenty.”

43. “Literally everything about this would be illegal in the old world.” (changed)

44. “Seven billion people in the world, and you’re overreacting because we killed one man.” “But-” “Seven. Billion. People. Now quit the complaining and drink your smoothie.”

45. “It’s not my birthday.” “It’s definitely your birthday.” “Give me a calendar. It’s not and I will prove it to – oh. Never mind. Happy birthday to me.”

46. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?” “I’m hovering somewhere in the high thirties.”

47. “I can fix that.” “I’m calling a professional.” “I’m a professional.” “A more professional, professional.”

48. “What’s the word for that infestation of tiny creatures over there?” “Those are children. That’s a school.”

49. “I have a concern.” “Just one?” “No, but I didn’t think you’d let me speak my piece if I told you how many I actually have.”

50. “Why are you glaring at me?” “I’m hoping you’ll spontaneously combust.”

51. “If we die, I’m going to spend the rest of our afterlife reminding you that this was all your fault.” “That’s cool, I wouldn’t mind having company while being a ghost.”

52. “What are you so afraid of?” “You.”

53. “What is that THING in your backpack?” (changed)

54. “I hate the sight of blood.” “Then maybe you shouldn’t kill for a living.”

55. “All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

56. “Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?” “Oh god, we’re going to die, aren’t we?” “It’s a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself.” “You absolutely do not.”

57. “I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns they’re visible from SPACE.”

58.  “It’ll be easy. You just have to seduce them.” “You’re kidding, right? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage.”

59. “You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”

60. “That’s a terrifyingly accurate drawing of us.” “It’s almost like I’m good at what I do.”

61. “You have no power over me.” “You sure about that?”

62. “This isn’t good.” “How can you tell?” “See how they’re slowly surrounding us? And they all have guns and knives and I think one guy is carrying a machete?”

63. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” “Actually he’s right in front of you.”

64. “I’m not a thief. I’m just really good at acquiring things that aren’t mine.”

65. “I’m not completely human anymore. Remember that next time you want to punch me in the face.”

66. “Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”

67. “I never stood a chance, did I?” “That’s the sad part – you did once.”

68. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

69. “I’m not going to leave you.”

70. “Everything is okay.”

71. “I’m going to protect you.”

72. “I believe in you.”

73. “Do you feel guilty? Like, at all?” “I don’t have time to feel guilty. And neither do you.”

74. “Stop that!” “Stop what?” “Doing that thing with your face when you’re happy. It’s making me nauseous.”

75. “What are you doing?” “…Eating.” “We’re being held hostage and you decide to raid the kitchen?” “They didn’t say the fridge was off limits.”

76. “Is that a dead body?” “Maybe?” “It is. I can see it right in front of me.” “I promise I’ll clean it up before dinner.”

77. “If we’re going to get out of here, we’re going to have to work together. After that, we can go back to killing each other.” “Oh, fine.”

78. “That’s not funny.” “I thought it was.” “You don’t count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.”

79. “Do we need wine?” “No, I need wine, you need to put your pants back on.” “But life is so freeing without them.” “Pants. On. Now.”

80. “Can you please go be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”

81. “I feel like I’m being stabbed.” “How do you even know what it feels like to be stabbed?”

82. “Will you be quiet?” “I didn’t say anything!” “Well stop thinking so loud.”

83. “Did you get my note?” “Of course I got it. You taped it to my forehead while I was sleeping.”

84. “You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”

85. “Why do people keep trying to put this blanket on me?” “Because you’re in shock.” “That doesn’t mean I need a blanket. It means I need booze.”

86. “Oh no.” “What is it? What happened? Who died?” “I think I just felt an emotion.” “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

87. “When all this is over, I want my sanity back.”

88. “That’s definitely not true.” “Of course it is. I read it in Encyclopedia.” (changed)

89. “You forgot me.” “It was an accident.”

90. “Why do you keep risking your life? To prove a point?” “Yes.”

91. “I would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties of your life.” “You are the WORST at this comfort thing.”

92. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me want to kiss you.”

93. “Look, if you want to conjure some demon spawn from the great beyond, that’s all fine and dandy. Just wait for me to leave before you start.”

94. “Just calm down!” “My arm just got cut off and you want me to calm down!?” (changed)

95. “You know what they say, panicking burns a shit ton of calories.” “Who even says that?” “Me. Just now.”

96. “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner, having another existential crisis.”

97. “Oh my god, I had the exact same dream!” “Really?” “Are you crazy? Of course I didn’t.”

98. “I need to go de-stress.” “Where are you going?” “To demolish the living room.”

99. “I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”

100. “I’m bitter and complicated. It’s one of my charms.” “I don’t think you know what that word means. Or how to count.”

101. “Well? What happened? I want all the details!”

102. “You always think you know what you’d do when faced with the end of the world. Me? I went home and took a nap.”

103. “Damn it, why aren’t you obeying the laws of physics?”

104. “I’d hug you right now, but you’re covered in evidence. And I also really don’t want to.” “Evidence is a really nice euphemism for blood, gore and guts.” “You’re totally missing the point. Do you know how pissed I am at you right now?”

105.  “This way is more efficient.” “This way is going to get us killed.”

106. “You’re not my favourite person today.” “I’m not your favourite person on any day.”

list by @fictionpants

[demonkidpliz]

Things I learned while re-watching Star Plus Mahabharata (Part 16/many):

1) As ever with Duryodhan, I cannot disagree with anything he says.

2) Oh god. This scene. Panchali’s curse. Her walking away as Arjun looks on. Gold.

3) Not sure I like this new version of Krishna seekh.

4) Also we have not seen Krishna fight once in this battle of Dwarka vs the King of Shalva.

5) I also don’t like crying Krishna. Not saying he can’t. But I can’t take him seriously when he cries. I need him to be infinitely more chill than SRJ is being right now.

6) Ah, Arjun swearing at the Kurus. A+ 10/10.

7) Oh my fucking god, Subhadra’s opening line to Arjun: how could you let this happen? I expect nothing less from her.

8) Madhav is back now, after chilling in his war. He’s still in a self-driven chariot.

9) Wow, he’s so pissed at the Pandavas and rightfully so.

10) Draupadi telling Krishna that she’s become impure. And anyone who comes near her would also become impure. No. NO. Every woman in the world knows this feeling.

11) Okay, first of all, Krishna, you moonlighting feminist, the first thing you should tell Draupadi is that she has not become malin because of what Duryodhana and Dushasan did. This is on them, not on her. I cannot but compare StarBharat with BR Chopra Mahabharat, the comparisons come very easily to me. And the truth is, they just did some things better.

12) Draupadi’s now fallen at his feet. Krishna is just like, Lord give me strength.

13) This scene is important because I feel like for once Krishna is putting his grand plans on hold for one second to give Draupadi back her peace of mind. Because first and foremost, the Lord is kind to those who follow him.

14) It’s so nice that StarBharat has shown this sort of sisterly solidarity between Draupadi and Subhadra, which is so important.

15) Draupadi is not even remotely impressed by Yudhishthira’s theatrics.

16) Draupadi’s pratigya makes her sound like Bhishma. Intentional or unintentional.

17) I cannot imagine Subhadra watching idly by as the Pandavas and Draupadi walk to the forest. I’m sure she put up a fight against her brothers to be allowed to go.

18) Speaking of, where is Balaram in all of this? His cousins are heading for vanvas and he is still chilling in Dwarka? Unrealistic.

19) Oh nice, Abhimanyu hasn’t even been born yet but somehow Krishna has managed to name him.

20) That scene where Arjun stops Subhadra from touching his feet. Some of StarBharat’s dialogueless scenes are just as touching.

21) Krishna’s glare as Shakuni enters the Indraprastha palace lmaoo.

22) A well executed scene but the watering hole scene happens only towards the end of the 12-year vanvas period.

23) This is hilarious. Yudhishthira is basically like Krishna is going to whoop my ass if I let something else happen to Panchali.

24) Oh god. Everyone loves Arjun the most. But I think Yudhishthira loves Bhim the most.

25) It’s time for Yudhishthira to meet his bio daddy!

26) Arjun doing tapasya for Shiv is my jam.

27) Bhim is such a cutie.

28) This Hanuman story is different though, right? Something to do with some lotus for Draupadi.

29) Is Hanuman a Yadav? He wears the same tilak. Or is this some Ram/Krishna connection we don’t quite know about.

30) I love Hanuman’s character! He’s so playful. And also the Hanuman Chalisa in the background score.

31) Oh so Hanuman knows that Krishna is Ram/Vishnu avatar and says he will chill on the chariot that’s being manned by God.

32) Oh no they never told us about the magic bowl Draupadi had that was gifted to her by Surya Dev which gave them unlimited food.

33) Also, do the Pandavas and Karna ever realise that they are all ‘gifts’ of Durvasa.

34) Krishna creeping in the background like some mega creep 😂

35) This is a conversation for another time but some day we need to talk about the incessant whitewashing of our gods such as Ram and Krishna in modern mythological serials. Also of Draupadi/Dhrishtadyumna/Arjun—basically anyone who’s described in canon as dark. There is some modern fetish for fair-skinned gods that just doesn’t sit right. I miss the dark-skinned Aruns and Nitishs.

36) Durvasa is still not impressed by Krishna. This man is literally god.

37) Arjun is fishing.

38) Oh nice, Indra is also here. Old gods and new.

39) Not sure whether I like this Shiv. Shiv in general I love.

40) Aaaand Jayadrath is here. Can’t wait for this guy to die in tomorrow’s BR Chopra Mahabharat episode.

41) Duryodhan low key throwing shade at Jayadrath is my jam.

42) Really, what does Dushala see in this man?

43) Kaun ho tum? Really? Draupadi doesn’t know her own brother-in-law? That seems highly unlikely.

44) Why is Arjun wasting time with all this trash talk?

45) Arjun is having a lot of second thoughts about keeping Jayadrath alive for Dushala’s sake but this is going to change very quickly during the war. Also Nakul rightfully points out that this man will give grief to Arjun later on.

46) This is by far the worst and most inaccurate map of Aryavarta to ever exist.

47) Oh no Jayadrath’s hair makeup is so not on point at this moment.

48) Mamashri Shakuni is literally fortune telling at this point and this is my jam.

49) So it’s canon that both Shakuni and Krishna are Slytherins, right? Yet they are the two most diametrically opposite Slytherins we have ever seen.

50) Also I want to see Dushala but these shows never give me what I want. When I make the Mahabharata I will make sure the women get equal and opposite screen time and character development as the men.

51) Yudhishthira is getting on my nerves.

52) This Draupadi is infinitely nicer than BR Chopra Mahabharat’s Roopa Ganguli who used to give it to her husbands every opportunity she got.

53) I also have lots of complaints. They didn’t show Dhrishtadyumna taking Draupadi’s sons home to Panchal to raise them.

54) They didn’t show Arjun chilling with his bio dad in heaven! They didn’t show Urvashi hitting on him and him rejecting her advances! Then she curses him, causing him to lose his manhood. And then she reverses the curse after Indra begs her and she limits it to lost manhood for one year of his choosing. That’s how Arjun uses the Brihannala guise for a year during agyaatvaas!

55) Shakuni training himself to think like Krishna. Looool.

56) Nakul bullying children is my jam.

57) Clearly this sattoo ke laddoo business is some sort of secret code amongst the Pandavas.

58) At least Uttar and Uttara are aptly shown as young teenagers.

59) My fav is back! Brihannala! 😍

60) Also what is this face covering nonsense by Sairindhri?! Women in the Later Vedic Age did not cover their faces or their heads behind purdah!!!

61) The Pandavas meeting together after a long time is giving me hope! This is what it’s going to be like when lockdown is over and I meet my friends 😭😭😭

62) This Keechak guy looks evil but I can’t take him seriously because his voice makes him sound like a prepubescent boy.

63) What is this casual classism from Keechak? Like Jesus, what a dirtbag.

64) Again there was no ghunghat back in those days?!?!

65) But iss Keechak ne toh consent ki maa behen kar di.

66) How happy the Pandavas are to see Panchali! Arjun the most, perhaps 😍

67) Virat making a dig at Dushasan. I’m here for this tea.

68) I can’t take Keechak seriously because of his voice.

69) This logic whereby if Draupadi has five husbands so she can have one more—like I will never understand this! She consented to five and no more???

70) Brihannala, my one true fav, is back!

71) Keechak vadh is my favourite episode, behind Shishupal vadh and Jayadrath vadh. Do you see the pattern?

72) Why is Draupadi here? I wanted to see Bhim’s giant form hidden as a lump under a blanket, enticing Keechak.

73) Bhim is here! 😍 Seriously, no one loves Panchali as much as Bhim does. Arjun toh is smitten by our Yadav homegirl.

74) Now Arjun is going to do his tandav dance. This should distract the others from the noise nicely.

75) Oh nice. Nakul and Sahadev are also participating.

76) Predictably, Jyesth Bhrata, Yudhishthira, is not invited to this Keechak vadh party.

77) King Virat is like oh no what a loss.

78) Yudhishthira looks pissed, as always, when his brothers have done something good.

79) Haha. Duryodhan has caught on to the fact that Bhishma is trying desperately to stall so that the Pandavas are not found out.

81) Now Duryodhan is now accusing Vidur of partiality. Again, he is not wrong. I’m so impressed by how well his character has been written. Not one word he says is incorrect.

82) Nice. Duryodhan has his father wrapped around his little finger. He knows exactly how to manipulate him so that Dhritarashtra rises to the bait.

83) After all these centuries Bhishma realises that Shakuni is after the destruction of Hastinapur.

84) Shakuni is admitting now that all of this is revenge for Gandhari. Oh man. Do you think Bhishma knew that the Mahabharat was the result of his poorly executed actions (intentional or otherwise)?

85) King Virat is so smart. I like him. I’m going to be so sad when he dies.

86) Brihannala is going to stay behind. Great. It’s so interesting to see this story in retrospect (which is how it’s told to Janamajeya and Vajra) in the first place.

87) I like Virat with open hair.

88) What the hell is this? I cannot be attracted to Pitamaha Bhishma and Mama Shakuni with their open hair and battle armour?! Adharm!

89) Oh what a cool sundial!

90) I’m glad they showed Uttar as nothing more than a teenager.

91) Mama Shakuni is so fit.

92) Do you think Bhishma recognises Arjun as Uttar’s chariot?

93) Poor Uttar is probably shitting his pants.

94) Arjun praying to Agni Dev to return his Gandiv. Old gods to the rescue.

95) This background score! It’s my absolute favourite! Parthasya Dhananjaya! My fav song on my fav, Arjun 😍

96) Bhishma looks thoroughly pleased. He recognises the sound of the Gandiv’s twang.

97) Now they will fight about the authenticity of the calendar. They should go to a calendar expert.

98) Bhishma looks proper chuffed at Arjun. How on earth will they fight against each other in the Great War?

99) Oh man, Karna is here. Ugh.

100) Karna is here to trash talk as per usual. Oh god both these men are useless. Fight no instead of talking so much.

101) Oh man, the charioteer’s son has been thrown from his chariot but not before taking a shot at Arjun.

102) Ah Karna’s divine armour makes an appearance!

103) Oh shit, this just got real! They’re calling on divine weapons!

104) Bhishma steps in. Of course.

105) Duryodhan’s hah! 😂😂

106) Arjun crying that if he is responsible for Bhishma’s death, it will be hell on earth for him. Oh, Arjun. You must still suffer, a lot.

107) Arjun’s threat, that all the Pandavas will come to avenge Draupadi’s insult. Yes. 100%. I hope in this yug even if men are not punished for their crimes against women on earth, they will suffer forever in hell for their misdeeds.

108) The Pandavas and Draupadi are ready. It’s time for the Great War. It’s time for Mahabharat.

[bleachanimefan1]

Turtles Forever Part 65

The Lesson

"Donnie, What's the big surprise that you had to drag us all out of bed?" Raph growled, irritated. The three brothers, Splinter, and four girls were in Donnie's lab, wondering the same as well. Donnie was standing in front of them.

"Yeah, Don. Couldn't it wait in the morning? A turtle does need his beauty sleep, you know?" Mikey groaned tiredly, rubbing his eyes, yawning. Leatherhead walked into the room wheeling in a strange monitor. 

"Leatherhead? what are you doing here?" Leo asked.

"Leatherhead and I staid awake all night fixing this. But, we did it! We've finally got it to work!" Donnie shouted barely able to contain his excitement. 

 "Did what, my son?" Splinter questioned. Donnie walked over to Mona and took her hand gesturing her to the bed, with the monitor next to it, to lie down on it. Cautiously, Mona laid down as Raph walked over to her standing beside the bed next her.  Donnie started up the monitor and began to rub some gel on the mutant's stomach. Then he took a sensor that was connected to the monitor and began to rub it over Mona's belly. A picture came on the screen followed by an erratic heartbeat. Oh the screen, was a small baby with a tail as it moved. Raph and Mona's eyes widen in shock as did everybody else as well watching the screen.

"O-Our baby?!" Mona stammered. Raph watched the screen in silence, completely paralyzed in shock. Donnie scanned Mona over again then inspected the image on the screen. 

"By the looks of it, the baby's definitely gonna take after Mona. But, I can't tell what the gender is because of the tail in the way. However, they seem to be healthy." Donnie explained. "I'd say it'll probably be about three months before they are born."

"Donnie, this is the best gift ever! You and LH really out-did yourself!" Raph exclaimed. Donnie smiled sheepishly, rubbing his head. 

"It was nothing really. Just a few broken circuit boards and wires."

 The turtles and the four girls jump down in front of April's shop. They walked in as they entered.

"April?" Leo called out. "Anybody home?"

Suddenly, they hear a scream and the sounds of someone getting beaten up. "No!"

"April's in trouble!" Donnie exclaimed. He pulls out his staff and runs towards the back door. The others follow him with weapons drawn as they ran out into the alleyway. They see April holding a bat.

"I give, I give!" They hear someone shouted. Leo adjusted the light bulb and everyone was surprised to see that it was Casey. April panted as she looked down at him.

"Easy April, it's only me!" Casey protested. April gave him an angry look.

"Casey, what the heck are you doing?" She questioned. "That has to be the dumbest thing in the history of dumbest things anybody could do!" Raph and Donnie walked over and helped Casey up. "What were you thinking?"

"I'm thinking I'm glad that's just a whiffle bat," Casey commented, rubbing his head. "Sheesh!"

"No, I mean, why would you do such a thing?" said April as she threw the bat away and started walking towards the back door to her shop.

"You asked me to, remember?" Casey asked.

"I did not!" April protested.

"Sure you did!" Casey said as he steps to her. "You was bragging about your ninja fighting skills," He flaps his arms. "And I said I ought to sneak up on ya sometime and test out how good you was. And you said that sounded like an interesting idea."

April glared at him, placing her hands on her hips. Then she looked at the four brothers and girls. "So, how are you guys doing?" She asked. "I was about to make some hot chocolate. I can easily make enough for nine," She smiled. Everyone cheered as they followed April to her shop.

"Great, I love hot chocolate!" Casey exclaimed, happily.

April counted as the four brothers and girls walked into her shop. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight," She smirked and pointed to herself. "And nine." Slamming the door on Casey's face.

"Come on April, you weren't that scared," Casey protested outside. "You beat the crud out of me!" He groaned. He hears no response. "April? Guys? Geez, everybody's so sensitive around here," said Casey, as he kicked a can and started walking away.

In the living room, Mikey and Leo were sitting on the couch, along with Yuuki and Alopex, Raph was sitting on the chair while Mona sat on the arm rest of the chair, Donnie was sitting on the table while Venus sat in a chair next to him.

"Think Casey's okay out there?" Mikey questioned. Suddenly, Donnie's shell cell began to ring.

"That's probably him now," said Leo.

"He's such a bonehead," Raph commented.

"Uh, hello?" Donnie asked as he answered his phone. But, he winched as he heard static. "Huh, it's not Casey. Sounds like somebody's trying to send me a fax."

April growled in frustration. "Oh that Casey gets me so mad!" She carried a tray with nine cups filled with hot chocolate as she walked over to the table. The three brothers and girls walked over to her at the table, taking a seat.

"What are you talking about, April?" Raph asked. "You totally clobbered him!"

"Well," April hesitated. "It's just that I really thought I was getting somewhere in my training with Master Splinter," The turtles, and girls take their hot chocolates, listening to her. "But Casey totally caught me by surprise. I should have heard him coming. You guys would have."

"Well, if it makes you fell any better, April. I'm still learning myself." said Yuuki.

"It takes a lot of practice," Donnie tells her.

"Master Splinter spent a lot of time training us to be aware of our surroundings at all times," Leo explained. "After a while though, if you studied hard enough, you got a sixth sense for it."

"Maybe you guys could help with my ninja training?" April suggested.

The four turtles give her surprised looks.

"Yeah, that's actually not a bad idea, April." Yuuki commented. The four brothers looked at each other, before shaking their heads.

"No way!" Raph said, waving his hands. The four girls looked at them surprised.

"Why not? I'm a quick learner!" April protested.

"It's not you, April," Donnie explained. "It's us."

"Last time we tried to play sensei...well, let's just say it didn't work out too well," Leo said, hesitantly.

"Yeah, we though we could teach this kid," Raph chuckled. "And we were just kids ourselves."

"Raph, that's no way to tell a story," Mikey argued. "Here, let me do it. It was a dark and stormy night, in a galaxy far far away-"

"Mikey," Raph warned.

"Uh, I mean, many moons ago, on a night much like this one,"

Four younger turtles with shorter masks that covered their heads were running in the sewers.

"We were four young turtle tots facing the most horrible of all dangerous dangers. Dun, dun, dun, the wrath of Master Splinter!"

Splinter smacked his staff against the map of the sewers that was hanging on the wall.

"We'd been warned. We knew what we were not supposed to be doing." Leo added.

Splinter smacks his staff, making the four turtle tots gasp. "Do not go to the surface!" He told them as they were walking across a balance beam. "Never go up to the streets! It is far too dangerous," He warned them as they were having dinner and slammed his teapot down, making them gasp. "Under no circumstances should you ever go above ground," Leo lost his balance, falling off from the beam. "If you ever think of going topside, just do not!" Splinter exclaimed. "You had better hope I never catch you going out of the sewers!"

The four turtle tots gulped and looked at each other.

"So, what did you guys do?" April asked.

Leo opened the manhole cover. "We went topside." The four brothers struggled to slide the manhole cover as they tried to move it. 

"When we finally go the lid off." Donnie said.

"Hey, no cutting in line!" Raph warned as they tried to crawl out.

"Then move your big fat shell!" Mikey exclaimed. They climbed out and looked around the alley in wonder and amazement.

"It's amazing!" Leo said. "All this open space!"

They walked further down the alley, exploring. "Man, Master Splinter's been holding out on us," Raph said. "Up here, it's...it's..."

"Beautiful," Donnie finished.

"What we didn't know was that just around the corner, was destiny. Or actually this kid that needed help," Mikey said. 

A tall black haired boy was wearing a red shirt, blue jeans and sneakers. With him was another boy who was wearing glasses. They watched as the older boys were playing hockey in the streets.

"It's Danny McDonough and his wolf pack," The boy wearing glasses said.

"Man, these guys think they own the street," The taller boy whined. "How come they gotta play in front of my steps, Stevie?"

"I'll help you," Stevie explained, clenching his fist. "We'll stand up to them." He glanced over at the older boys nervously, gulping.

"I'd like to, but they'd just beat the crud out of us. You just go on around and go home," The taller boy told Stevie. "I'll be okay."

Stevie placed a hand on the taller boy's shoulder. "Be careful. I'll see you tomorrow." The taller boy waved as his friend left. As the taller boy turned to walk to his house, the older boys blocked him.

"Hey guys, here comes Arnie dork. You forgot to pay your toll yesterday. This here's our street!" Danny said, jerking his thumb to his gang.

"I...I don't want no trouble," the boy replied, nervously.

"Well, you got trouble." Danny said as he and his gang advance closer. The boy pushed past Danny and his gang and took off running. They chased as they skated after him.

In the alley, Raphael was standing on top of a dumpster.

"I am Raphael, king of the trash!" He exclaimed. The other three turtles climbed onto the dumpster, but Raph threw them off.

"Sorry, Raph," Leo said as he picked Raph up by his leg and knocked him down. "You're the trash and I'm the king!"

"All hail Leo! King of the trash can!" Mikey cheered. Suddenly, Donnie heard voices that were coming closer towards them.

"Guy's, somebody's coming," He told them. The boy ran into the alley while the four turtle tots hid underneath the dumpster. The boy saw that he was trapped as he was at an dead end. He leaned against the wall panting, trying to catch his breath. As he stood up to run away, his eyes widen. 

"Oh crud," The boy muttered. He backed up as Danny and his gang skated towards him.

"Poor little fella," Danny said, smirking. "He ran into a dead end." 

The four brothers cringed as they heard the boy getting beat up.

"Somebody ought to help that kid," Leo whispered.

"Yeah, finally some real action," Raph murmured, getting up, ready for a fight. But, Donnie stopped him.

"Remember, we can't be seen," He told them.

As the gang was beating the boy, a trash can suddenly came flying at them and hit one of them. "Ow! Hey man, what's your deal?" He shouted as he pushed one of his friends. Mikey threw a trash bag at one of them.

"Ow! Hey, cut it out!"

Then a rope was thrown at one of their feet, being pulled. One of the boys lost their balance and fell on top of Danny, placing his hand on Danny's shoulder.

"Hey, quit it!" Danny said. He turned towards the boy at their feet getting ready to beat him up some more.

"Danny! Lunch time!" Danny's mother called out. He turned to the boy.

"Next time, pay your toll if you want to use our street. Come on, we're outta here," Danny said as he and his gang left.

"That's when young "Master Leo" convinced us to help the kid out," Mikey said.

"To train him so he wouldn't need little green guardian angels all the time," Donnie added.

"We thought we already knew everything there was about ninjitsu, so how hard could teaching be?" Leo said.

"And it had to be better than being stuck in the sewers doing nothin'." Raph said.

"Okay," Leo explained as he turned to the other three turtles. He was wearing a red hat that covered his face, blue jeans, a yellow shirt and brown jacket. "You guys know the plan. We'll each take turns teaching the kid what we know. Agreed?"

"Agreed." The other three turtle tots saluted.

"But remember, guys," Donnie warned. "No matter what happens, we can't let Master Splinter know what we're up to."

Leo nodded and walked over to the boy as he was getting up. The boy groaned as he rubbed his arm. "Hey kid," He turned to Leo. "I saw what happened earlier. You know, you really shouldn't let those bullies push you around like that."

"Oh, it's no biggie," The boy rubbed his arm. "I'll heal."

"It IS a big deal," Leo argued. "It's a matter of honor! You can't surrender your honor so easily. The street belongs to everybody."

"Not for kids like you and me," The boy looked away crossing his arms. "I'm too small."

"No! Those guys are small because they have no heart and no honor. My sensei, my teacher, always taught me that true strength comes from within," Leo explained.

"Maybe, but how do you get it?" The boy asked.

"You train. You train in the art of self-defense," Leo said as he did some moves. The boy watched in awe. "I can help you, teach you." The boy smiled at him.

"Okay, then let's meet back here tomorrow, the same time." Leo said. 

The next day, Leo and the boy were on the rooftop, sitting with their legs crossed. The boy was struggling. 

"First of all, you have to be serious about wanting to change things. You have to feel the power, connect with the power. Find your inner core, your honor, your true heart. Have you found it yet?" Leo explained as the boy continued to struggle more.

"Uh, I don't think so. Uh, little dude, I can't feel my legs," The boy said.

"That's a good thing, stay focused and breathe and you'll find your true strength," Leo told him. As Leo watched the boy as he tried to meditate, his mind began to wonder back to yesterday with his encounter with the girl with pig tails. 

"Uh, little dude, I don't think this is working." The boy said. Leo snapped out of his thoughts and looked at him. How long was he spaced out. His eyes widen. He needed to get back home, fast! Leo stood up. "Just keep practicing. You'll get it! I-uh, need to go to the bathroom. I'll be back!" He said, running.

At the turtle's old Lair, Mikey and Donnie were sparring. Splinter was watching them. Donnie jumped to kick but Mikey dodged it. "Excellent, Michelangelo. Donatello, lift your leg higher for the kick," Splinter instructed. Mikey knocked Donnie and he landed in front of Splinter. Donnie sat up, rubbing his head.

"Sorry, Master Splinter," He said. Splinter held his hand out and Donnie took it as Splinter helped him up.

"That is enough for now. You may rest, my son. It is Leonardo's turn to train," Splinter said as he turned to the couch. Raph was watching the TV with a stuffed bear, sitting next to him that was wearing Leo's mask and a T-shirt.

"Uh-oh, oh boy..." Raph muttered as he looked back as Splinter then back at the bear.

"Come Leonardo," Splinter called out.

"Master Splinter, we wanna keep practicing!" Mikey called out as he and Donnie tried to distract him.

"But it is Leonardo's turn," Splinter explained.

"Leo won't mind, will ya Leonardo?" Mikey called out. Raph lifted the stuffed bear's arm, waving at Splinter.

"Uh, wave if it's okay, Leonardo," Donnie said, nervously. Raph lifted the stuffed bear's arm, waving at Splinter. 

"See? Leo doesn't mind." Mikey answered. Splinter frowned in suspicion.

"Uh, is this right, Master Splinter?" Mikey called out as he and Donnie began to spar.

"What about this leaping over the leg sweep?" Donnie asked. "I think I'm getting better!"

Splinter turned to them."I said enough practice. Leonardo, Leonardo?" He called as he began to walk over to the couch. Mikey and Donnie cringed as he got closer.

"This is it, it's all over! We are so cooked!" Mikey panicked as Splinter reached a hand out. Donnie and Mikey screamed. Raph immediately shut his eyes.

"Leonardo!" Splinter shouted as he placed his hand on Leo's shoulder.

"Yes, Master Splinter?" Leo answered. Splinter blinked in confusion.

"It is time for your practice," He explained.

"Oh, okay, coming sensei," Leo said, giving Raph a wink and a thumbs up. Raph returned it. Leo jumped over the couch and flipped, landing next to Splinter.

"Sorry I didn't answer earlier," Leo said as he rubbed his eyes and yawned. "I kind of dozed of there for a moment." He started his katas. Donnie and Mikey were watching Leo and Splinter. Donnie nodded to Mikey and he quietly slipped away without Splinter noticing.

On the rooftops, Mikey finished dressing up, wearing the same outfit that Leo was wearing. "Now the student has become the master," He chuckled as he walked over to the boy. "Ready for more learning?"

"Well, I've been trying to be serious and breathing stuff to find my inner strength like you said,...but kinda makes my head hurt," The boy said as he scratched his head. "And I still can't feel my legs."

"What, are you kidding me?" Mikey questioned. "Get up, get up!" He helped the boy up. "Forget all that baloney, the first and most important lesson is this: you need the right attitude!" The boy blinked, confused, looking at Mikey. "And part of having a winning attitude is having a cool battle cry! A heroic superhero battle cry, like in the comic books!"

"I got it! Goru guru sama!" Mikey exclaimed. The boy scratched his head, completely confused.

"Go ro ro bo...wha?" He questioned.

"Goru guru sama! It means Mister Thunder! Goru guru sama! It's perfect for you!" Mikey exclaimed. "If you yell out Goru guru sama while charging into battle, your foes will flee like cowards before you! Ooo I really wanna see that! Come on, let's try it!" 

"Oh, they're just gonna cream us again," The boy complained as Mikey lead him into the alley until the two spotted Danny and his gang.

"Not with your cool battle cries!" Mikey told him as he pushed the boy towards the gang. "Remember, Goru guru sama. Now, go get 'em!"

The boy gulped then narrowed his eyes and walked over to Danny and his gang. He clenched his fists.

 "Goru go bolo ama!" He shouted. The gang smirked and skated over towards the boy and began beating him up. Mikey cringed.

"Maybe I didn't give him the right name..." He murmured as he watched.

Donnie and Mikey met on the rooftops. Mikey took off his clothes and tosses them to Donnie.

"How's it going?" Donnie asked.

"Um, great," Mikey answered, hesitantly.

"Good, because I got something really special planned for them. They're gonna love it!" Donnie said as he put on the hat.

The boy sat across from Donnie looking down at a chessboard that was sitting in front of them. "It's really important to really think your actions through. It's all like a game of chess," Donnie explained. "You have to be thinking three to four moves ahead of your adversary. Planning, knowing what's coming."

The boy looked at the chessboard unsure of what to do and scratched his head. "Uh,..." Donnie tapped his finger on the table. He looked up at the boy, who still hadn't made a move. Hours seemed to passed, as Donnie had his head laid on the table and a pigeon landed on him. He looked up again to see that the boy still hadn't made a move.

"Well, it might take a little more time...for some people, I guess," Donnie said as he stood up. "I'll be right back." He left as the boy stared at the chessboard, thinking.

Donnie ran to Raph, handing him the clothes and tossed the hat on Raph's head. "Good luck," He told him. Raph quickly got dressed and ran over to the boy, sitting down.

"I've been studying the board like you said and I still don't get it. Like the horsey, though," The boy said as he held up the knight piece. "I'm trying to think it through, but I don't know."

"Listen guys, the first and most important lesson is to never think. Never! Just act and react and always attack!" Raph said.

"I sure wish you'd make up your mind. Be serious, use your battle cry, think it through, never think! I don't get it!" The boy shouted, confused.

"What you need are weapons. It's all about the weapons," Raph said. "We gotta find you some kind of weapon."

Raph looked at the chessboard before getting an idea. Across from Raph and the boy were three cans that were sitting on the ledge. Raph held the chess pieces in his hand and threw them, knocking down all three cans. "Ha!" He turned to the boy. "You try!"

"Uh...kay." The boy answered nervously, holding the chess pieces in his hand. He threw it but the pieces hit the wall and rebounded back towards him and Raph. Raph cringed.

"Hmm, maybe you just need a better target. Let's see how you do in combat," He said. Raph lead the boy into the alley.

"Now remember, focus on your weapon. It's all about the weapons!" He explained.

The boy threw the pieces at the gang but missed as the pieces landed near their feet. Raph cringed as he watched the boy get beat up by the gang.

"Maybe we need to work on the kid's aim a little...or find him a different weapon." He murmured.

Back in the Lair, Mikey, Donnie and Leo stood across from Splinter as he stood in front of them. "Now, I wish for you to take what you have learned and use it in pairs. Michelangelo and Leonardo, Donatello, and Raphael," Splinter raised an eyebrow, seeing that Raph wasn't there. "Where is Raphael?"

"He's in the shower?" Donnie answered, nervously, jerking his thumb.

"Yeah, yeah, he's in the shower," All three turtle tots said together. Leo smiled sheepishly. Splinter gave them a suspicious look.

"You four have been acting very strangely of late," He pointed out.

"Uh, Raphael, it's time to get out of the shower!" Leo shouted, running off. Donnie and Mikey smiled sheepishly and followed after him. Splinter had a confused look on his face watching them leave. Raph walked in as the others ran over to him. "Raphael!"

"Raphie, hold still!" Mikey told him and Leo dumped a bucket of water on Raph.

"There."

"What was that for?!" Raph demanded.

"You just got out of the shower," Leo whispered. Raph turned to Leo and growled until he saw Splinter walking up to them with a stern look on his face.

"I just got out of the shower, sensei," Raph explained. All four smiled sheepishly as they looked up at Splinter.

"Hmm, I can see that," Splinter answered, hesitantly, crossing his arms."Do you always shower with your mask on?"

"Uhh, yeah, it's a great way to keep it clean!" Raph said. Splinter gives him a questionable look, shaking his head. 

"Come, let us resume your training,"

In the alley, Leo, who was wearing clothes again, stood with the boy. "Okay, now it's time to try out what you've learned, to face your enemies."

"But you already made us face 'em, twice!" The boy pointed out. "And they creamed me both times!"

"Em, I did?" Leo asked, confused. "Well, let's try it again, using everything you've learned." He pushes the boy towards the gang. Standing back, watching, Leo saw his brothers walking over towards him.

"So, you think he learned anything?" Mikey questioned.

"I hope so. I mean, you taught him self-defense, right, Mikey?" Leo asked in response. "How to punch and kick? And I covered inner strength."

"I didn't teach him any fighting skills," Mikey answered, confused. "I thought Raph was gonna."

"I didn't," Raph shook his head. "Donnie, did you?"

"Oh shell," Donnie muttered in realization.

"Go so bo gara!" The boy shouted. The four turtle tots cringed as they saw the gang beat the boy up again.

"Okay, we're gonna start over," Leo said. "But this time with the real basics."

"Right!' Mikey commented. "Or as Master Splinter would say, "the foundation of any house must start strong and-" A shadow towered over them and Mikey made a girlish scream as Splinter stood over them.

"Master Splinter!" The four turtles exclaimed.

They gasped, seeing Splinter was not happy. He was furious.

"Um, Master Splinter, we can explain," Donnie explained. "We've been teaching."

"Like you!" Mikey exclaimed. "But not as good as you."

"You know, trying to follow in your footsteps?" Leo asked, sheepishly.

"There's this kid and-" Raph started to add but Splinter hold his hand up.

"Enough! Home, now!" He snapped, angrily, crossing his arms.

"But...the kid," Raph protested.

"We can't just abandon him," Mikey defended.

"You are not ready to teach! You could do more damage than good. The child must find his own path, as you must find yours. Now come, we are going home," Splinter told them. All four turtle tots whined as the hang their heads down.

Everyone busted out laughing out loud. "Oh man, was Splinter angry!" Mikey exclaimed.

"He must have made us practice for 78 hours straight," Leo recalled.

"I think he wanted to make sure we were so tired, we wouldn't be able to go topside," Donnie said.

"So whatever happened to this kid, anyway?" April wondered, raising an eyebrow. The four turtles looked at each other.

"You know, I don't know," Leo answered, shaking his head.

The boy was walking down the street with a solemn look on his face. "I'll just have to tell that kid in the red hat the training isn't working. Guess I don't have what it takes."

"Hey geek boy, doing a little reading?" He heard and looked up to see Stevie being picked on by Danny and his gang. "Oh, you're gonna cry? Oh look, he's gonna cry!"

"Give it back!" Stevie shouted as he tried to grab for his book.

"Stevie?" The boy asked, before narrowing his eyes, growling. 

"What are you gonna do about it?" The gang asked before hearing a loud scream until Danny was punched to the ground. The others skated towards the boy. The boy ducked, causing one to wack the other with his hockey stick. He grabbed the stick and punched the older boy in the stomach and the face. Danny got up with a stick in hand seeing the boy knocking his gang down like they were nothing. He growled and skated over to him striking with his stick. The boy blocked it, striking back until he knocked Danny off of his feet making him fall to the ground. 

He looked up at the boy in fear before he and his gang skated away, leaving him and Stevie alone.

"That's right, you better run!" The boy exclaimed. "You bullies better watch it, because Arnold Casey Jones aren't letting you push nobody around anymore!"

"Gora...gora...Goongala! Goongala! Goongala!" He roared out loud as his voice echoed throughout the streets.

"Wow," Stevie said in awe with his mouth slightly dropped. Casey walked over to him and handed Stevie his book.

"Come on, Stevie, I'll walk you home."

[thorne93]

Unforeseen Chasm (Part 65)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count: 4392

Warnings: Language, enter Morgan Stark, confusion, polyamourous relationship (Bruce x OFC x Tony),  5 yrs explained, lying and deception, anger, yelling, swearing, making up Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone had gotten back to the cabin. You’d said hello to Tony, but Shannon’s daughter was nowhere to be seen. You saw Bruce for a fleeting moment but he was retreating when you saw him. Wade and Remy were inside with Tony, catching up, you assumed. 

They had explained to you exactly what happened and why they thought they had a chance now. Scott Lang, someone who you’d fought during the Accords, had theorized time travel. Tony, being the genius he was, had figured it out. 

You and Shannon were sitting out on the back porch of the cabin enjoying tea. 

“So, Y/N, where have you been all this time?”

You shrugged slightly as you answered, “You found me, or at least Wade did. You must have some idea…”

“I wasn’t sure if he was going to find you, to be honest. It always seemed like you were two steps ahead of me.”

“Imagine that, me beating the trained spy at evasion.” You smirked at the thought. Perhaps some of the tricks Loki had taught you regarding disappearing had paid off. “If you must know, I mainly toured Europe for a few months. Remy found me early on and we went exploring... in honor of Loki. After that we lived in New Orleans, started to build a life... it became too much so I kind of went rogue and then met up with Clint....” You left her to fill in the dark details before perking up and asking, “How about you? You’re out here in this paradise with Tony and apparently a child?”

“Yes you did manage to evade a spy. If I'd had the chance to go out and find you myself but then Morgan happened and with the ba---" 

Bruce walked up the steps with Morgan swinging on his arm. "Hey babe, hope I'm not interrupting." Bruce kissed her cheek. "Hey, Y/N. How you feeling?"

Your jaw dropped. You couldn’t help it. What...was going on here? Bruce and Morgan being close didn’t quite surprise you. Bruce was close with Shannon and Tony, but… Kissing Shannon on the cheek? What the hell was all that about?

"I’m a little bruised and worse for wear but... how.. are you?" You couldn’t tame your confusion. “This must be little Morgan," you said, trying to ignore your growing confusion, and focus on the little girl you had yet to meet. She had Tony’s hair, but Shannon’s eyes and nose. 

Morgan asked, “Mommy, who's she?” 

“This is Y/N, she's your aunt, the one I told you about?” Shannon explained as she pulled her close to her.

Morgan looked from her mother to you. “Hi there,” she greeted in a quiet voice, waving as she climbed into Shannon’s lap. 

This was absolutely surreal. Shannon was a mother? You had no doubt she was fantastic at it, but she had a five year old you didn’t know about? 

"This is Morgan, your niece. You’re probably wondering how this is even possible right?" Shannon asked, a bit of mischief in her voice and eyes. She was brushing her fingers through Morgan’s hair.

With Morgan around her, she was absolutely glowing. It suited her. It completed her. 

"Uh... yeah I thought... well I thought the Red Room removed... the possibility?" You were trying to delicately put it since a child was nearby, all while greeting Morgan physically by shaking her hand and smiling at her. 

Bruce noticed the confusion on your face. "I'll leave you three to talk." He kissed both Morgan and Shannon on the forehead. "Let me know when you're hungry, okay, kiddo?" 

“Okay,” she answered with a grin. 

"Well yeah, they did take away my ability to be able to but I was a step ahead I had someone be the holder for my eggs and Tony’s sperm. I knew what they were going to do and I knew in the future I might want kids so I had some eggs removed and stored for later.”

“So did you have Morgan the natural way or was she one of the eggs?”

“Once Tony and I moved into the cabin we figured we'd try to start a family and he knew I'd done this, so we found a way for me to get a uterus transferred into me and here we have Morgan.”

“That's really good. I'm happy for you. But I'm still a little confused on you and Bruce and Morgan. How does all that work?” you stressed. Your best friend having a child you didn’t know about was hard enough, but now it seemed like she was with Bruce too?

“Well Morgan is mine and Tony's child. Bruce is a whole other thing. Bruce is my partner. I wouldn't say husband because he and I aren't married.”

“So you and Tony and Bruce are all... Together? How did that happen? I can't imagine Tony letting you look at anyone, let alone be with anyone.”

“No he’s not like that. Yeah he gets jealous and after a round of fighting, those two settled things down and came to an agreement.”

“But.... how did that even come about? I mean I’ve known you have loved both for quite a while but how did the option of you being with both even get approached?”

She shrugged, as if it were simple. “We both trust Bruce and knew his intentions were pure and  by then I was already pregnant with Morgan.”

“You started... going together when you were pregnant? That's...crazy... “ You sat there completely dumbfounded at this news.

“Honestly after their fight, they went off somewhere to talk and came back and they told me that they would figure something out. And then Tony came to me and told me that if I wanted to be with Bruce I could.”

"Got the best of both worlds, huh?" you mused.

“I know this is all much to process. But I do have a question to ask, what are you going to do if we succeed and bring everyone back? What happens with you and Remy? Will you continue to be with him, Loki, or both?” She peered at you, carefully taking your response in.

Sucking in a breath, you answered, "I hadn't thought about it. When you said there was a chance... to be honest I stopped thinking about anything else and Loki came to mind. So... we'll just have to see." You sighed. This wasn’t a subject you were ready to address or even think about in the slightest. "I’m happy for you, Shannon though. I really am... Do you think we have a shot though?"

“I think we do. There’s a sure shot that it can go one of two ways and I'm keeping my mind on the positive. We'll be testing this theory soon. I have this gut feeling that things will turn out how we want. She touched her stomach but not in a way that it would make her baby bump noticeable. 

You narrowed your eyes. “I hope they do. I’d love to be involved in the testing if possible. I’m not sure if any of my physics knowledge can help, but I could try if you want.”

“I'm sure the boys would appreciate the help. And if you really want to test it out yourself go for it.”

------------------------

Few days passed and things were going well, at least Shannon thought so. She'd been able to hide her baby bump from you for a while but it was getting harder to do so. Both of her men told her she should tell you but she didn't know how you would react. Morgan was one thing. It had already been done, she was born, growing up - it was a done deal. But  being pregnant again, but another man? She felt like it would be rubbing it in your face that she was moving on and you were doomed to live in the past.

On the morning before the test run, Shannon had been in the kitchen. Everyone was busy and she tried to reach for a glass for her drink but her belly wasn't giving her space to do so. 

You were passing by the kitchen when you noticed Shannon was struggling to grab a glass. You giggled as you always thought it was cute how short she was. You decided to help her. You walked around the island and that’s when you realized something. She couldn't reach it because her belly was swollen.... She was pregnant.

A glass dropped from your hand as you gazed down at the bump. It had barely started to show but it was very real. The glass hit the counter then the floor, shattering everywhere.

"You.... you’re pregnant?" you gasped. “Why… Why would you keep that from me?” you wondered, shocked and hurt. 

“Y/N!” Shannon jumped back away from the broken glass. “You scared me.” She grabbed her hoodie and put it on.

“What’s the point in the hoodie, Shannon? I already saw it!” you stated hastily, anger in your voice. “What the hell? Why would you hide this?” 

Shannon was tugging at her hoodie. “You’re right, there’s no use in hiding it.” She lifted the sweater to touch her belly. “I didn’t want you to feel upset about this. I know just how much you wanted to start a family with Loki and it just seemed unfair to you.” 

At Loki’s name, you stiffened, not to mention the truth of her words. 

Just then all four men ran in and a little Morgan did too 

“What happened!?” Both Tony and Bruce yelled.

“Mommy, are you okay?”

“Looks like someone’s getting too big to reach the top shelf,” Wade joked.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Remy asked, getting to your side.

You nodded, brushing him off. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” you gently assured. “Shannon?” you prompted again, ignoring nearly everyone else as you stared at her, pain snaking through you. 

Shannon was always in tune with your emotions, she could sense the anger trying to bubble so she let her calm powers wrap around you to not make things scary for Morgan’s sake. 

“Mommy’s fine, Morgan. Can you go with daddy please?” She pointed to Tony. “Y/N, let’s not make things be something they’re not.” She motioned to Morgan in the room. 

Your eyes quickly darted to Morgan. “I’m not going to do anything to hurt Morgan or anyone else, Shannon. Regardless of what I’ve been doing the last few years, I would never let that happen. I’ve gotten control over my powers, a lot better. None of this changes the fact that you hid your child from me. You’re pregnant and you haven’t had the decency to mention it to me? But you tried to tell me I wasn’t being a good sister?” 

“You left, Y/N! For five years! How was I supposed to tell you?” Shannon exclaimed. “It was so hard tracking you down. No one told you to go AWOL. You could have stayed here with Remy and been with family and friends and you would have gotten to see everything happen.” Her voice began to waiver so she stopped and took a deep breath. “When I needed you most, you were gone and with no way to locate you.”

Anger enveloped you, you were seething. “When you needed me most?” you stressed. “I needed you! I left because it was so god damn suffocating being around this. You have Tony, Bruce… everyone. You hardly lost anyone. I lost almost everyone and that grief was too much to process in the face of all this happiness. I couldn’t grieve in peace knowing all of you were happy, pressing on. When Thanos used the stones for the last time, and we lost, like really lost, I didn’t know what the hell to do, so I left. I’m sorry I missed the last five years, but clearly, you more than made up for it with a full life!”

It was Shannon’s turn to get angry. She'd kept this hidden long enough and she wasn't about to let this slide.

“My son was taken from me!” she screamed. She finally let it out and with it, the dam broke loose. “We lost our parents and sister too!”

You frowned, utterly lost. “You… What? Your son? Shannon, who the hell are you talking about?” you wondered. Had she gone mad? “Wait, wait, did you say that our parents are gone?” 

Three sets of parents were lost. Biological and both adoptive. Could it get much worse? 

“Jesus, Shannon, I thought they were still around,” you admitted. You swore she had called to check on them after the snap. 

“I called so many times that I got desperate and went by the house and everything was left as if they had just been doing something but they’re gone. You would have known that but you left. I know you lost a lot but wallowing in the grief was your choice. It’s one thing to lose a significant other but losing a child is above all else.” She wiped the tears off her cheek. “Peter still had his whole life ahead of him but there is no way to replace him. The only family I had left was Tony and you and you left me too.”

You shook your head in confusion. “What… What the fuck does Peter have to do with losing a son? Look, Shannon, I know you and Tony kind of had a soft spot for the kid, and we all miss him but…” 

“Language!” Tony yelled.

“Woah! Even I know not to be a potty mouth in front of the kid,” Wade said as he covered Morgan’s ears.

His words barely registered through you, except faint annoyance.

“You don’t get it do you, Y/N?” Shannon asked. “Peter is our biological son, not some kid we had a soft spot for,” she let out, feeling her knees wobble. 

Bruce instantly noticed and went to pick her up. “Come on, this is too much for you to handle right now.”

“I had no idea… You never told me. How was I supposed to know?” you asked, your voice volumes lower than it was before. “I’m sorry that you lost him, I truly am, but that doesn’t make lying to me about two of your children okay.”

“How could I? You were off the radar, no one knew where you were,” she said. “Tony and I had gotten to—-”

Bruce stopped her. “I think it’s best you rest for a bit before you get into this situation.” He walked out of the kitchen with Shannon in his arms.

“Friday, can you send one of the little bots to clean up the broken glass?” Tony asked the AI.

“Right away sir.”

You looked to Tony with an apology on your face for the glass. He waved it off with a half smile.

“Alright, you little munch,” Wade said as he swooped Morgan off the ground. “Let’s go back to the play house and finish our game, yeah?” 

“Yay! Let’s go now.” Morgan giggled as she’s swung about. Everyone was gone now except you, Tony, and Remy. The fight you just had with Shannon left you feeling like a hurricane just happened around you. 

You glanced to Tony. “Tony, I didn’t know,” you admitted softly. “You know if I knew, I never would’ve... How could she not tell me?” you asked, desperate. “She hid Peter from me, and now this other child she has on the way? Why? Does she not trust me? Am I not family enough?” 

“It’s not that she doesn’t trust you, Y/N, it’s that she doesn’t want to make you feel like you’ve missed out on things you could have done with Loki.” He walked over to you and put his arm around you. “She’s scared that you’ll leave again and this time she won’t be able to find you.” He led you to the living room where Shannon was resting. “Give her a chance to breathe and explain everything okay? We tried to convince her to tell you but you know how stubborn she can be.” He huffed and then patted your shoulder.

“I understand now, she might not trust me… But when Peter was born…” You shook your head. “I guess I’ll give her a chance to explain. It just hurts to think she’d hide the biggest events in her life from me.”

“I know it’s hard to think but our lives have been full of troubles that we couldn't control. there wasn't a moment for us to sit down and unload everything,” he told her and then walked away.

As everyone left the room, you couldn’t help but look around and feel the twinge of envy. Shannon’s life was full. She may have lost Peter, her sister, and her parents, but you lost Loki, Stephen, Charles, Wanda, Pietro, Vision, Logan… You were friends with Tony and Steve, sure, but they were Shannon’s, not yours. Tony was Shannon’s husband, and she had him. Steve was her best friend, and she had him. Nat was her best friend, and she had her. Bruce was her boyfriend, and she had him. Now, she had children, two partners, all of her friends, a little slice of hidden paradise. 

You had Remy, and that was great. And you knew you could always come home to Shannon, but ultimately, lining your life up side by side with Shannon’s - one was full of life, love, vibrancy, and one wasn’t. 

You turned to Remy. “She’s got such a full life, even without me,” you noted sadly before looking up at him. “I wonder if she really even needs me.” 

Shannon was the only family you had left. Thor hadn’t talked to you in years, and your biological parents, Frigga, and Odin were dead. Shannon’s parents, your parents, had vanished. 

“Of course she does,” he assured.

“I’m not so sure,” you responded. “She has everyone, and everything she ever wanted…” 

“Chere,” Remy started with a sigh, “family isn’t like money. You can’t spend it and get more to replace it. You mean a great deal to her, and she you. You’re irreplaceable. She might have kids and all these friends, but so do you. You still have Shannon, you have me. I know for a fact you’re friends with Stark and Rogers. You gotta stop focusin’ on what you lost, and remember what you still have.” 

You nodded. He was right. You didn’t like it. It hurt. But ultimately, he was right. It was about quality, not quantity.

-------------------

Bruce and Shannon were sitting on the couch. He had made sure that her vitals were back to normal and that the baby wasn’t affected. Soon enough, you walked over to where they were and sat opposite them so that you could have a moment to speak. 

“I’m going to see if the glass got picked up, then make sure Wade isn’t corrupting our little girl.” He kissed her forehead.

“Sure thing, I’ll shout if I need anything.” “I’m ready to listen, if you’re ready to tell me about Peter,” you gently informed before clearing your throat.

“Where do I even begin?” she stretches out on the couch.

You notice she was not wearing the hoodie anymore.

“A good place to start would be when you had Peter? He’s over half your age and I think I would’ve noticed you being pregnant in college, or during New York, or during prison…” 

“Well all this happened way after college but right before New York,” she said hoping to clear up the when. “When I was in the Red Room program, the final part was having my uterus removed or else I was killed, so I  had some eggs removed before it could be done to me.” She stopped so that this can be processed.

You slowly responded, “Okay.”

“I had about 10 eggs removed and stored for the future if I ever wanted kids.” She explained how life went on like you knew it up until the time that the battle of New York happened. “Tony and I had gotten pretty serious and that's when I came clean and told him about my situation and he started searching for uterus transplants but I wasn't ready to get my hopes up like that you know?”

“Right, of course,” you agreed.

“Tony was understanding so we had a doctor combine our genetics from the egg and the sperm and I was making changes so that the baby would be healthy and with a few of my abilities but something went wrong and it gave him his super strength, the sticky feet thing, and his growth was modified. From there we asked May if she knew anyone who would be willing to be a surrogate and she said she would.”

All you could do was nod as you took this in. 

“Then New York happened and we didn't want to risk Peter being caught up in this so we asked May to watch over him until it blew over but things never got better after that and by then Peter had grown up and we didn't want to mess with how his life was.” She took a break. It was hard to say this, the only people who knew the truth were her, Tony, and Bruce and now she was telling you.

“But he… If he was sixteen when he was… at the snap, how is it possible that you had him in 2012?” Most of this made sense, but you were becoming somewhat confused. 

“The age modifier that I had accidentally given him was like a growth spurt that makes him both physically and mentally older but his true age is still young.” 

Your head bobbed side to side, contemplating this. 

“Then we found out he was Spider-man and things changed. We wanted to protect him at all costs and this gave us a chance to get to know him and start a connection so we could find a way to tell him the truth and then Thanos happened and we lost him and our shot of regaining the years we lost.” Shannon had been rubbing her belly and she wasn't looking at you anymore. She didn't want to cry again thinking of him.

“Oh, Shan, I’m so sorry,” you apologized as you reached over and squeezed her knee.

“That's why Tony was so distraught when Peter turned to dust in his arms.” She held your hand. “As for Morgan, after everything, we found a chance for a uterus transplant and we prayed things would work out and it gave us Morgan and a chance to restart.” She smiled, looking over to you and pointing to the picture of Tony holding little Morgan. “And this is miracle babies Number 2 and 3 that is mine and Bruce’s. We haven’t announced the genders yet, I’ve wanted to tell you but you weren’t here and if you came back I was scared that you’d leave again and for good.” Her smile slipped a little thinking that would still happen.

“That’s fair,” you assessed with a bob of your head. “I’m not going to leave again, Shannon. I missed all of you like crazy and to be honest, I’m not upset that you’re surrounded by happiness and love. I’m just upset that I don’t have that. That I miss so many people.” You chewed your lip, toying with your fingers, avoiding her gaze. “See, I dwelled in the past. It wasn’t until just before Wade found me that I’d made the choice to move on. I accepted the fact that nobody was coming back. I grieved, not just for Loki, but for my friends, our friends, the universe’s population. Between believing I didn’t deserve a happy ending and grieving everyone, I couldn’t even see a light at the end of the tunnel until a few days ago. So then I show up here, and you’re just having babies and picking out cabins and shit. It almost looked like to me you didn’t grieve at all. You took no time to mourn for any of the losses that took place.” You shook your head. “That’s why I got mad. Not that you’re happy or that I can’t have it or whatever. But that it looked almost like you didn’t give a fuck that we lost because your life could go on with Tony, Bruce, all your friends and kids…” 

Shannon slowly nodded. She didn’t realize it looked that way. She mourned, of course she did. She just didn’t want to squander away any time she had left. She was lucky to get Tony back and she wanted to make the most of it. 

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, looking down. “I hadn’t thought of it like that. I just thought it was kind of rubbing it in your face, that’s why I didn’t mention being pregnant.” 

You shook your head, waving her worries off. “I’ll always be happy for you. We took two different paths to cope with the same problem. You decided not to waste any of the time you have left, because life is short and precious. The snap made that more than fucking clear.” You let out a breath. “I left, and Remy and I built a life and after a while, I wasn’t sure I could come back here, and I was filled with so much bitter rage and I needed to take it out on people. I wasn’t sure if there was a place for me anymore, or if I had gone too far to the dark side that you’d want me to stay away. I am happy for you, I really am. I just wish I had the same opportunity is all. And I know I self-jeopardized that when I ran away, but I also know it was cathartic and I needed it. You needed your space to build your family in peace, and I needed my space to grieve.” You gave her a sad smile. “I just hope you can forgive me.” 

“Y/N, you know your points are valid and I'm always going to forgive you, you’re my sister and there’s no one else I’d rather want to share my life with.”

The two of you smiled and hugged. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: @essie1876​ @magpiegirl80​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @iamwarrenspeace​ @marvel-imagines-yes-please​ @superwholocked527 @missinstantgratification​ @thejemersoninferno​ @rda1989​ @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr @kaelingoat-blog @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo @damalseer @heyitscam99 @yknott81 @sorryimacrapwriter @glitterquadricorn @xxqueenofisolationxx @little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama @bittersweetunicorm @alyssaj23 @sea040561 @princess76179 @thisismysecrethappyplace @sarahp879 @malfoysqueen14 @ellallheart @breezy1415 @marvelmayo @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @cocosierra94 @hardcollectionworldtrash @capsmuscles @marvelloushamilton @paintballkid711

Loki: @lostinspace33 @ultrarebelheart @lenawiinchester @esoltis280 @tngrayson @wangdeasang @harrymewmew @jayfantasyatyourservice

UC: @lokis-high-priestess

[romelluka]

Altean & Galra Lifespans

What we know and how to connect it into something that seems inane but is canon, I guess.

Also Lotor’s personal history’s  timeline disclosed.

I sincerely do not think anyone on Voltron staff has supervised this very tightly so none of these implications are likely to be lore-relevant. I just found them fun to pick apart. If I missed any info, please let me know! 

Let's begin with Altean lifespans! This one is easy. We know the Castle of Lions is 600 years old. We also know that Coran was older than baby age by the time of its creation, since he was able to accompany his grandfather places while it was being built:

This marks Coran as anywhere between 600 and 700 maybe, since he seems to have still been generally young then.

Coran is further considered not OLD-old but definitely on the older end of adult age. This is evidenced by the discussion about him having the slipperies - he is definitely aging, but he’s got plausible deniability on being a real senior citizen. Maybe around 60 to 65 years of human age. So assuming he's maybe 650 or something, it'd make sense to assume Alteans naturally age to around 1000 years. That’s a pretty neat 1:10 conversion from human age... seemingly.

In reality, it doesn’t work out nearly as smoothly.

Because now we get into how the process of aging works for Alteans. We have a pretty solid timeframe for it thanks to Allura and Kova, the cat. Kova is intially a cute fat baby and we see her as such before Allura is born:

That it’s before Allura’s birth is important to remember because Kova gives the only solid indicator of timeframe in the flashbacks.

Kova is 28 decaphoebs (thus roughly years) old shortly before everything goes to shit and the war starts. Assuming Kova was around 1 or 2 when we first see her, that leaves 21 years for.... all of building Voltron, Voltron being active AND Allura growing into the person we see.

Let that sink in. Voltron was only active for about 25 years. That’s canon. It left a legend for millenia, but it wasn't even there for a full century.

And this also tells us that Allura initially aged at human speed. When staff calls her a teenager, that is LITERAL in Earth terms. We are thus forced to conclude that while Alteans live for thousand years on average, their whole childhood to adulthood process only takes 20 years. Like, basically the blink of an eye. Holy shit.

Meanwhile the one thing to truly age Alteans is stress. Look at Alfor before and after Zarkon and Honerva got obsessed with quintessence.... This is what stress does to you...... 

... okay no, this is me being flippant.

Enough of that, let’s move on to Galra lifespans.

The imperial Galra as we know them all live to incredibly long age. Sendak is as old as Zarkon and Haggar but he's far from the only one who's reached such incredibly lifespans. 

Lotor's nanny--- I mean governess-- is also still around. She raised Lotor since some point in his childhood after his old governess is implied to be executed, so she's still thousands of years old.

I'd been wondering for a long time why they'd keep her around until my best friend pointed out the easy solution: the majority of citizens in the Galra empire had one-time quintessence transfusions that simply let them ALL live to such incredible ages.. This also explains the constant expansion of the Empire and its growing quintessence need since the population is only decimated by battle deaths but not really by anyone passing of old age. 

Only people who were already on the brink of death at the time of quintessence administration seem to need continous amounts of it: Zarkon, Haggar and the Archivist. Lotor, who's had his administration in the womb, naturally also never needs another dose. 

So by now everyone's kind of immortal, but what about before?

The best we get is this statement on Galra history. 33 rulers through 13 millenia - substracting Zarkon we get 32 rulers through 3 millenia here. We get an average time of ruling from this. It's 94 years. 

Of course, the correlation of these 94 years to lifespan is nebulous. There are numerous references to the Galra always having been a warring and conquering people, even before they started space travel:

Thus it is pretty hard to believe that Galra rulers historically just died of old age. They likely got killed one way or another after they passed their physical prime. 

Now we can only speculate... if this rough century of leadership represents maybe the strongest age of 20 to 40 in human years, then that adds another 100 years of childhood and then a few hundred years more of later adulthood. Galra could maybe age to 600 or even 800?

These are also just speculations. They might have the exact same life expectancy as Alteans originally. We can’t say for sure.

This is also all assuming a continuous aging process akin to that of humans and not whatever is going on with Altean speed childhoods. We can’t really say anything about the aging speed of Galra. Allura is already a teen when Lotor is born so her age compared to his in the final episode’s canon AU means nothing - hell, Lotor isn't even pure Galra so he might age different from the rest of them......

But we do still know some interesting facts about his individual life story.

Romelle states that they've been at the colony since pretty much the time the war began - it can't be EXACTLY that time, of course, but she's also narrating this generations (read: millenia) after the fact. 

But with this we know that the colony has likely been around for maybe 8 000 or 9 000 years. That's enough for nearly 10 generations of Alteans but still close to the war to be known as ‘since the war began’ in the local folklore. 

Meanwhile we also know research for building the colony took Lotor a few hundred years: 

This implies that his one year test that lead to his banishment was maybe 500 to 1 000 years or so after the war.

And by that time Lotor already looked the same as we know him now. Lotor's been a young adult for ca. 9 000 and years, it took him less than 1 000 years to reach adulthood.

This concludes my thoughts on alien aging in Voltron. Thanks for reading!

[24hour-blues]

all the ones you haven't answered yet? i'm sorry you're sad💙

thank you, that's very sweet. i hope you're doing alright 💛

1. when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? - more milk. i always end up putting too much.

2. do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? - yes

3. what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? - library receipts, post-its, junk mail, pencils

5. are you self-conscious of your smile? - i think it’s one of the few things i’m not self-conscious about, actually. i like my smile.

8. what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? - writing, often poetry but sometimes prose. i like creating playlists, too, and singing.

9. do you like singing/humming to yourself? - yeah, i sing to myself all the time. whatever song i have stuck in my head at the moment.

10. do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? - side, but very occasionally my stomach.

12. what’s your favorite planet? - jupiter

14. if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? - lots of pillows and blankets of all types. succulents and cacti on the windowsills. wooden utensils and dark cabinets in the kitchen. a breakfast bar with stools that don’t match. rugs with funky patterns. a big, soft couch in a bright color that you can sink into. a small balcony with fold-out chairs. rows of mugs and barely any plates. the bathroom crowded with makeup and skin products, writing on the mirror in blue marker. beds never made. a guitar in the corner of the sitting room.

15. go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! - there are more trees on earth than stars in the milky way

16. what’s your favorite pasta dish? - angel hair pasta with puttanesca sauce

18. tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. - i can’t think of anything...

19. do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? - everything. sometimes it’s big things, sometimes small. my fears and what i’m in love with. regrets. shame. hope.

20. what’s your favorite eye color? - grey

21. talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. - idk if it’s really my favorite, but my current backpack took me all through college and it’s good for storing stuff or using as an overnight bag. it’s from timberland and is a nice earthy brown with a flap over the top. lots of pockets.

22. are you a morning person? - i can be

23. what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? - make breakfast and tea. read or watch a movie that makes me rethink everything

25. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? - a school, i think?

26. what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? - i haven’t had them forever, but i wear my doc martens with everything. i used to wear plain white keds with everything.

27. what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? - winter green

28. sunrise or sunset? - sunrise

30. think of it: have you ever been truly scared? - yes

31. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. - i like soft, fluffy socks and ones with fun patterns. i love hiking socks. i don’t wear them to sleep tho.

32. tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. - i went to a waffle house at 5am with a friend and some friends of hers i’d just met on her birthday. we were all really drunk, the food took forever, and it tasted awful, but we were happy and laughing.

33. what’s your fave pastry? - probably a cinnamon roll

35. do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? - i like a good calligraphy pen and new notebooks. i don’t use them often; i feel like i don’t have anything important enough to write.

37. do you like keeping your room messy or clean? - it’s usually clean unless i’m not feeling well. sometimes i get disorganized.

38. tell us about your pet peeves! - overlapping conversations. people interrupting others. loud mouth noises, like chewing or licking. people criticizing my driving. nitpicky comments on my clothes or how i look. being talked about.

39. what color do you wear the most? - black, probably.

41. what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? - how it feels to float by helena fox

42. do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! - nope

43. who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? - i’m not sure

44. when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? - i can’t remember

45. do you trust your instincts a lot? - not really

46. tell us the worst pun you can think of. - i can’t remember it but something about pigeons and being coo-l

47. what food do you think should be banned from the universe? - bacon. i just wanna make people angry.

48. what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? - my dad told me a story once, about when i was a kid. he said that he and i were walking together near the lake in the neighborhood across from mine. i was holding his hand, and i said to him that this was the happiest time in my life because i wouldn't be the same when i grew out of being a child. i think i have the same fear now--that i'll never be that happy again.

49 do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

- i like records but i only have one. it's an album by ccr. i really like them

50. what’s an odd thing you collect?

- beer bottle caps

52. what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

- maybe those "girl..." text posts that just say stupid shit

53. have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

- watched them all but pulp fiction. i don't really remember heathers at all

55. what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

- lets not talk about that

57. go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

- not in the mood sorry

58. who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? - bri is wine mom. quincy and i are vodka aunt.

60. do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

- yes but i rarely remember favorites. i read so much and feel it then forget all the words

61. what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

- someone gave me a rock once. i get too nervous to give stupid gifts

62. do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

- orange or cranberry

63. are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

- i'm more fussy about music than books, but i do like my books organized. i like them worn in and well-read tho, not in perfect shape.

64. what color is the sky where you are right now?

- a fuzzy, light blue-grey. it's snowing

65. is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

- a few

66. what would your ideal flower crown look like?

- lots of green leaves in all different shapes and sizes. tiny white and blue flowers.

67. how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

- isolated and insignificant. safe

68. what’s winter like where you live?

- cold, grey, snowy.

69. what are your favorite board games?

- idk if i really too many board games. maybe cranium. i like puzzles more

71. what’s your favorite kind of tea?

- honey vanilla chamomile

72. are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

- yea and even then i forget.

73. what are some of your worst habits?

- i give up too easily

74. describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

- excitable. emotional. so very smart. creative as all hell. self-conscious where they shouldn't be. never runs out of words in the best way. loves to share.

75. tell us about your pets!

- my dog shiver is turning into a little old man, but he still acts like a puppy. he likes attention and whines to communicate. he'll greet you at the door and put his front paws on your thighs to say hi. follows you all around the house. loves to cuddle.

- my pigeon spirit is young and vocal. she coos for attention. when i go to sleep, she grunts every time i move to ask where i am and if i'm okay. i take showers with her and sit on the tile; she puffs up right into my side and sticks her wings out for me to splash water on her. she likes to be close to me to get neck scritches and push her head into my neck and preen every bit of me she can.

76. is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

- a lot probably

77. pink or yellow lemonade?

- limeade

78. are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

- i dunno they're cute

80. what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

- it's white wallpaper with pink roses along the top and ribbons of pink and green striped vertically. my mom chose it before i was born.

81. describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

- they sort of remind me of dark water where everything is reflected back in it--not just the sky but the trees and people walking--and they make you want to look closer because you know there's something in there, it's not just a reflection, like flat glass. but it's hidden until you dio your hand in the pictures broken.

82. are/were you good in school?

- pretty good

83. what’s some of your favorite album art?

- i don't look at albums

85. do you read comics? what are your faves?

- not really, but watchmen is one of my favorites.

86. do you like concept albums? which ones?

- dunno

88. are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

- um. idrk. i like whatever monet was doing.

91. where do you plan on traveling this year?

- maybe michigan

92. are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

- i like cheese

93. what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

- i just kind of. let it do whatever.

94. who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

- my uncle

95. what are your plans for this weekend?

- honestly have no clue

96. do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

- put them off until windows tells me it's restarting the computer in five minutes

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

- mb

98. when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

- in college with jacob, although i wouldn't really call it joking. we just walked through a state park. it was beautiful.

100. if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

- idk. i feel like i'd make the same mistakes if i went back, but the future scares me.

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 114 Thoughts

This is going to be done a little differently than my usual chapter posts, because I can. Or I guess a nerve got struck or something, who can say.

Attack on Titan is about humans and monsters.

It’s about the monsters humanity faces, and the monsters that humans can become.

It’s about fighting those monsters at both ends.

It depicts this fight as never-ending. You might not see the end. Your children might not see the end. Your grandchildren might not see the end. But for the generation that does see the end, for time that you’re here, you’ll play your part.

If you beat down one monster, another will take its place.

If you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, you’ll be the monster.

There is too much wrong in this world for it to ever be right.

“I remember the pain again... Do I... have to... start all over again? This is a... cruel world. And yet... so beautiful. It was a good life.” Mikasa, 7

“They would all be happier... if I wasn’t alive.” Historia, 52

“They said just killing you would solve everything, but...” “I’m the same way. I thought it would be better if I’d never been born. The world hated me for just existing. To bring happiness to many people... I died.” Ymir, 40

“I... never needed to happen. Do it... At the very least... I want you to end it all for me.” “It’s bad for everyone if I keep on living!! Please, just hurry up and eat me!! I can’t go on living like this!!” Eren, 65, 66

“If Marley decides to exterminate all Eldians... I will accept it. That is how grave the crime of us Eldians were. They could never be atoned for. Eldians... Titans... they never should have existed in the first place.” Willy, paraphrasing Karl Fritz, 99

“Of course this danger now facing our world... can all be traced back to the existence of Eldians. I... would choose to have never been born, if it was up to me. I’ve hated my blood. More than anyone else... I wished for the extinction of all Eldians." Willy, 100

“I... can’t stand this anymore... Just... kill me, I beg of you... I want to vanish.” Reiner, 100

“You don’t really think ‘I don’t want to die.’ Youve always tried to think of a way to martyr yourself so everyone will praise you!” Ymir, 40

“I became a Warrior... because I wanted to kill myself in the grandest way I could. That’s all.” “How much better would it have all been... if I was never born into this world?” Xaver, 114

“If we’d never been born in the first place... we never would have had to suffer.” Zeke, 114

Death is nothing new to Attack on Titan. It’s everywhere. The very concept of the heroic group the protagonist wants to join is founded on the belief that their soldiers’ deaths will pave the path to a better future. It isn’t a kind future. Eren’s called a suicidal bastard for dreaming of being a Scout.

From the very start, though, that’s what the chosen protagonists are going to represent. The wings on their backs stand for freedom. Going outside the walls, even if it only leads to their deaths, is what it means to be free.

Death is a side effect.

It’s an inevitability. The world is too cruel to bypass it for the things you value, so you fight for the hollow spirit of your beliefs without seeing them ever come to fruition.

Endlessly.

Uselessly, darker thoughts start to argue.

For Eldians with a fuller history of the world, they’ve been aware of it on some level for all their lives. They have a monster waiting to be unlocked inside of them, and the longer they live, the greater the risk of that monster being exploited. They grow up hearing the horror stories of what they’re capable of.

The people of Paradis know it first-hand. Their lives for the past hundred years are forged through fear of the titans, with an entire branch of their military devoted to going out and dying in attempts to make the world less scary.

Even in the renewed version of history Willy Tybur offers, Eldia is full of tyrants until Marley becomes the tyrants. Using the same power Eldia did.

Xaver’s wife kills her son. She specifically kills her son before she kills herself. She has a man she loves, and in theory a child she loves, and the moment she understands that her child has that monstrous, tainted blood, she kills both of them.

In response, Xaver kills himself.

As slowly as possible. Learning as much as he can.

But he becomes a Warrior to die, the same way Krista Lenz joins the military to die.

A generation and a world apart, and still these things come up. Only Historia’s mother is the one who doesn’t have the courage to kill her child. Historia’s mother dies by someone else slitting her throat.

This world eats apart most of the characters we’ve seen. They’ve suffered losses and hardships, and the only release they have left becomes continuing forward. Developing their tactics, learning what they can, but living on. Killing themselves and their comrades again, and again, all for a small scrap of progress.

It’s behavior Zeke can’t stand.

“I’m sure that by the end, they’ll be sending every person inside those walls off on a suicide charge, from their elders to their children... they’ll go on saying if they’re going to die anyway, might as well make it a proud death. ...It only proves how unimaginative and set in their ways they are. ...The little fools.” Zeke, 81

All this suffering, and for what?

Titans are still going to exist.

People are still going to be terrified of them.

People still should be terrified of them.

It would be so much better if none of them existed. The memories of baseball and research can stay, but it stops there. No one will carry it on. No one’s life will be shortened so they can be someone else’s tool of destruction.

From the very beginning, there’s been a loud cry to exterminate all the titans.

Eldians are just embryo titans. All of them. For their own sake, as well as for the sake of the world around them, it’s better off if they just don’t exist anymore.

Zeke’s plan won’t cause them much pain, really. Yes, most of them will probably die in the coming war, but a few will surely live out their lives to their natural expiration date, childless, and then the threat of the titans will be a distant memory. How awful is that, really, compared to the atrocities their powers have played party to?

It’s preventing so much future pain, and the cost is what? The selfish joy of having your bloodline continued?

Zeke knows how perverse that joy becomes. Children only end up inheriting their parents’ sins and problems. He escapes them by a man he has no blood relation to coming in and saving his life.

It’s practically humane.

It’s one person deciding to rewrite the infrastructure of his entire race because the world has been so incomprehensibly cruel he can’t think of a solution that isn’t death.

Zeke’s not a character I ever expected to identify with. He’s a hypocritical jackass who’s so arrogant about his own life’s purpose that he’s turned off his ability to evolve. He isn’t responding to the world around him and seeking to change it; he’s already decided what he’s going to do.

This cycle ends. No one is coming after them. There is never going to be another Eldian Empire. There is never going to be another person who suffers from the existence of Eldians.

That fixes it, right?

If it all just stops, somehow that will make it okay again. You don’t have to fix it. It can’t be fixed. It is impossible to fix, no matter how hard you try. Trying just casts more ruin upon the world. Give up, stop, and it will all be better.

The content of what Zeke’s doing could be an interesting discussion all on its own, but that isn’t what makes this chapter hard to write about, for me. It’s that one screencap above that sea of quotes.

So now let’s make this awkward.

I’ve wanted to kill myself for months.

The thought has been present for years, but the want has mostly been since this summer. Am I out of good things that might happen? No. There are plenty of baseball games I could enjoy. There’s more to learn and experience. There are definite things I’ve lived through that brought me joy that I wouldn’t have had if I killed myself when I first had the crushing want to.

There isn’t one grand, unifying way to feel suicidal. You’ll get similar stories if you gather people into a clump, but people always insist on doing everything differently.

But since the very start of not really caring about Zeke, his conversation with Reiner and Bertolt on the wall stuck out.

He doesn’t talk about the suffering he’s experienced. Or caused. His aims are very straightforward.

“We have one goal, right? Regain the Coordinate here... and put a stop to this cursed history. Let’s just... end this. I want us... to end this.”

Three times in one page, he just talks about things stopping.

It’s something exhausting, to feel that tired. To look at the world around you and decide it’s beyond salvation. It isn’t always sadness or pain. Sometimes it’s just... being done. There’s no will left to fight, and could it please, please stop now. The ride isn’t fun, it’s not going anywhere fun, it’s not going anywhere at all, so isn’t it better if it just doesn’t exist anymore?

Living stops being the point. Cutting things off before they get even worse is the best you can hope for. Everything is just that bad. Surviving in hopes of changing it? That will only make it worse.

At some point, every avenue of thought in your head turns into thinking that everything would be so much better off if it died. Sometimes it isn’t even about you. It’s about random strangers on the news, and thinking that if whatever injury they got in some fire killed them, they won’t have to worry about finding a new place to live, and wouldn’t that be better?

Living is hard.

Stopping it all... that sounds good. It is the only thing in the world that sounds like hope after hope stops existing for you.

That makes this chapter such a pain to go over.

Because whatever the hypothetical merits of Zeke’s grand solution, all I can see is one more voice added to this series’ suicidal idiots. One more person who is so done with life, he’s decided to make sure everyone else will be done with it too.

I’ve said a few times that this is a series about genocide and how it’s bad. I still feel that is a correct statement, but in a very frustrated comment I made to a friend earlier this evening, I said this series is about suicide.

Most substantially, it’s about, fuck suicide.

Fuck it right off a cliff.

Over and over again, we see characters pushed to the brink. We see them give up, and hate themselves. We see them begging for death.

Then they get back up.

“That’s right... I still have... them...” Reiner, 97

“I’m keeping my name as I live this new life! Living this way is my way of getting revenge!! I’m going to be living proof that your fate isn’t decided at birth!!” “So what about you?! You’re going to kill yourself, the ultimate act of submission. Is that how much you want to please the people who treated you like a nuisance?! Why are you trying to hurt yourself?! If your will is that strong... then shouldn’t you be able to change your fate?!”

“...I died. But--when I did, I wished for something from the bottom of my heart. If I could be born again... I wanted to live my next life for no one but myself.” Ymir, 40

“It hit me that living was like a miracle.” “I can’t... give up. If I die now... I won’t even be able... to remember you. So--no matter what... I’m going to win! Whatever I have to do, I’m going to live!!” Mikasa, 6, 7

“When I see someone crying, saying... no one needs them... I want to tell them... It’s not true. No matter who! No matter where!” Historia, 66

“I want you to let me do it... just once. Let me believe in myself.” Eren, 66

“...But. I do not wish to die. Because... I was born into this world.” Willy, 100

“When we’re born... all of us... are free. People who reject that, no matter how strong they are... don’t matter.” “It doesn’t matter... how terrifying the world is. It doesn’t matter... how cruel the world is. Fight!! Fight!! FIGHT!!” Eren, 14

Zeke rejects that fight. He’s done with the world. He alone sees the truth, and that truth is that the only way to save Eldians from harm is for them all to die out.

Chapter 114 is called, “Sole Salvation.”

It isn’t a hard thing to fall into the belief that the only net good waiting lies in death. It’s very, very easy, and for my part, that makes reading this narrative, which this chapter specifically calls home, difficult.

Zeke is not unsympathetic in his life’s hells. The little boy who so badly wants to spend some free time with his father who only sees him as a tool--he is a child, and what he goes through at the age of seven is enough to call the tragic backstory a wrap.

He’s pretty clearly an antagonist.

The themes the story has allied itself with are that of fighting for better, even if that better can never be yours.

Zeke’s sort of there, except his entire strategy hinges on the idea that better can never exist while Eldians walk the world. Their entire presence is a blight. Zeke’s decided that the only better that can happen is one that doesn’t include Eldians.

Thematically at least, the story so far isn’t so chill with that.

Zeke is still working towards a goal, and he’ll sacrifice everything to get there, fighting his heart out, but he’s given up. He’s looked at an entire race of people and decided that there’s nothing but pain to be salvaged in them.

Part of me resents arguing against that, because yeah. Even just reading the manga, I’m looking at all of the possible happy endings I can come up with and they’re laughable in their optimism. Calling it quits and wiping your hands of the whole mess doesn’t sound like such a bad deal, really.

Only that’s not the mindset this story operates on.

If you don’t fight, you can’t win.

It isn’t about not losing.

It’s about winning.

It’s about living.

Laced through quite a few of the quotes up there is a concept that Carla puts rather nicely in the 71st chapter.

“He’s already great. Because he was born... into this world.”

Life has meaning the second it starts. Not what you do with it. Not what you contribute to the world. Those things matter--of course they matter--but that’s not the driving spirit that keeps on coming through.

So many characters talk about being born. When they look inside themselves for their reasons and beliefs, they start there. They start before they’re even cognizant.

Life has meaning because it’s life.

You don’t have to be worthy of it.

You don’t have to deserve it.

You’re allowed to have it because you are a person.

Zeke wants to deny that for Eldians. The ones who are around can stay, but the very concept of life for its own sake is one he’s given up on for his people.

I’ve never really gotten people who feel a need to have themselves continue on, but it isn’t a choice anyone else should get to make for them. Their lives should belong to them. They should be able to live them how they want.

Zeke the only way to justify the lives of Eldians is if their genetic code is altered so that more of them can never exist.

Because he wants the pain to stop.

The pain never stops.

That’s why Mikasa’s line is so iconic. There’s always pain. That doesn’t mean there can’t still be beauty. Heck, the other one she says is almost better; “It hit me that living was like a miracle.”

Zeke’s ripping out a rosebush because it’s covered in thorns. The beauty of the roses is less important to him than the cruelty of the thorns.

Relatable.

Deeply, deeply fucking relatable.

And I hope the narrative does what it’s done every single time with this kind of thinking and kicks it bloody.

Beauty means more than cruelty. If it doesn’t feel that way, that’s all the more reason to fight for it, until it feels like it matters as much as something that glorious should. The cruelty is not the end of the story.

Zeke wants it to be, because he can’t see how there will ever be a different end.

Fantastic. Good luck, Eren. Fuck knows you aren’t the gold standard for dealing with this in a healthy way, but maybe enough of your friends will be around to kick you in the head that you’ll think of something clever.

-sigh-

I guess I’m done. Even if this is more of a series post than a chapter post, but I guess technically these are just my thoughts on a chapter, and heyo, my thoughts.

Though one thing.

One thing I will mention.

Is that Zeke shouldn’t want Historia to be pregnant.

Like, he’s generally very anti-pregnancy already, but if he does his Founding mojo, he’ll still die, and the current generation will still be around, and as long as there’s someone of royal blood, said Founding mojo can be undone.

Geez I need a drink.

[kariachi]

And we’re going to try for another two episodes today, which’ll be the last season 4 ones I have access to in a language I know for a while. So after today we’ll probably be getting breaks of at least a week between liveblogs. But that’s something to worry about then, this is now, and we’re going for What Rhymes With Omnitrix.

There’s poetry in this episode, I love poetry. Ya know before I settled deep into fic I used to mostly do poetry? Anymore I only rarely do, but back in like the sixth, seventh grade? Poetry all over the place. Then I realized I could induce emotion better through narrative prose and dialogue and a true ficcer was born.

Anyway, is another Kevin episode of course, and Charm but who gives two shits about Charm, so let’s get into it! My son and poetry!

~~

They’re just dropping us right in with Charm, who has poetry very blatantly about Gwen and how she hates her. In public. Can’t fault the kid for confidence or dedication.

This girl and Kevin both need therapy, preferably in different cities because last time she and Kev were in the same space he looked this close to killing her and while that would be entertaining to watch, kinda hard to go to therapy when a pissed off tween is carving your bones into parts for his latest piece of tech. Because if anybody would tap into the necromantic arts purely as a fuck you to someone he’d already killed, it’s reboot!Kevin.

‘Ode to Hating Gwen So Much #16′ Charm, kiddo, you need therapy and a hobby. Have you considered felting? Maybe videogames? A couple hours of Terraria would do you good.

Polite people at the (presumably) Amateur Poetry Night.

Oh look, a Kevin. Of course any book you carry around is gonna be black, you aesthetic mess.

Also can I pause a moment here in appreciation for every bathroom we’ve seen so far I think appearing to be unisex? Very nice.

“Conning” and here is where I heave a sigh and my bloodpressure goes up a bit, because what she did to Kevin was not conning in any way, that was clearly and blatantly magical enslavement complete with chains, torture, and mindcontrol. You can’t just downplay that shit like this and expect me to go along with it, not when the sequel series already tended to pull that, especially with regards to Charmcaster doing that sorta shit. You do not get to blatantly show Kevin being forced to do things against his will, being tortured for fighting back, and then try to pass it off as him having been tricked into working with her. What the fuck is with this franchise with having Charm do horribly evil shit and then just waving it off?

At least Kevin still clearly hates her.

Charm trying to play like she’s actually gotten more powerful since they last saw each other and is not, ya know, powerless in front of somebody she literally tortured and who is bigger than her even without his shapechanging watch. At least she’s reacting appropriating even if Kevin isn’t. Laying it on kinda thick though for someone who just ruined her makeup with tears not three minutes ago.

Are these children both trying to outbluff each other? Oh that works. I can totally work with a Kevin who’s kinda scared of Charm after what she did, alongside a Charm that’s definitely scared of Kevin now that she’s powerless and has hurt him so bad. That is something I can enjoy. Not that Kevin does it particularly well, but he’s young yet and anyway he doesn’t need to bluff well to avoid trouble here, he just needs to fall for Charm’s bluff.

And lo, the classic ‘we bumped into each other and dropped our books, then each grabbed the wrong book when we walked away’ trope. Always a good one. I hope they realize they have the wrong books fast though, given they look nothing alike.

Definitely a unisex bathroom, nice.

Charm’s uncle gave her a magic amulet. I’ve seen people theorize this is referring to Hex, but I don’t think that makes sense given what we know of either of them so far so I’m not giving the reboot back those points.

Of course Slam Poetry Night attracts a Rath. Of course. I wondered how they were going to get Ben into this.

Max really needs to stop using slang from any decade. It’s just painful.

Gwen sees Kevin take the stage and just, “oh no”.

So, this is definitely where Kev realizes he has Charm’s book, he’d have to, it’s full of somebody else’s poetry.

Also can I just say 1) I am proud of my baby for going into poetry, it is very good for working through your emotions (am proud of Charm for that too, but, ya know, my son vs Charm) and 2) I am not surprised to see him being into poetry given the sheer number of books we see him owning in other series. Like, at least 65, which doesn’t seem like a lot until you remember he’s probably only been acquiring them over the past few years, if not just over the course of the sequels, and that he’d have to be putting aside time specifically to read them given how much shit he’s shown doing regularly. Basically- my boy is literary and it’s wonderful.

And he has realized this ain’t his book.

Ben no heckling! There are rules and manners to the world you know! Gwen smack him.

And upon being heckled Kevin just tosses the book and decides to freestyle it ‘I came out here to have a good time but bitch if you wanna go I’ll go’ style.

He’s not bad. Especially when you consider he’s, so small. As nix would put it ‘this is a fetus’.

Ben, not happy with getting called out.

Ooo, complete with dropping the mike and walking away, point to Kevin! That is Kevin 1:Ben 0 so far this episode.

Ben just the living embodiment of that Pikachu meme after that.

Climbing on stage to try to win a point for himself in this battle of the wordsmithing. Godspeed, Tennyson.

Rath is being Rath and Kevin is just, not impressed. He knows he’s won, he knows Ben is rising to the bait and can’t do shit.

Kevin glancing out into the crowd like ‘am I the only one seeing him being this... wtf? tell me I’m not, we’re all seeing this right?’

Kevin trying to point out to Rath that he is not rapping, not even close, wtf Tennyson. The best part being, I’m fairly sure he’s offended on behalf of all rap at Rath’s complete failure to even be in the same ballpark.

And Ben times out, thank fuck, maybe we can make some progress here before Kevin kicks his ass just to defend the honor of a whole artistic medium.

Also I’m already counting the above as point 2 to Kev.

He hasn’t even started and I’m in pain.

Not eight words in and already Kevin is even less impressed and I’m in even more pain. Just gonna channel Ben trying to rap when I head into urgent care, that should be enough pain to chill me out.

Not even a verse in and Gwen and Max are this close to skipping town and just, abandoning Ben here. “Tennyson? No, no, we’re the Smith family, never seen that kid before, think he might be delusional.”

Point Kevin. He didn’t even have to do anything for this one, just not be Ben.

So that’s Kevin 3:Ben 0, so far this episode.

“Even your grandpa wants you off the stage.” Which is true, but gets Kevin dive-tackled offstage anyway.

Hello Charm, back again I see.

And now it is your turn to realize you have the wrong book?

Oh gods Kevin put effort into making his alien names cooler than Ben’s. And the early ideas were shit. But it worked in the end, so hey. At least we can assume his band-related naming scheme is deliberate in-character. Good on him, too, for writing everything down, it’s good for reference and can help get thoughts straight. (part of why it’s good for dealing with emotional shit)

Don’t you side-eye the camera, child, you mean to tell me you just jumped straight to Charmcaster without any stupid name ideas along the way?

“You started it!”“No you started it!” Okay boys, take you shoving match elsewhere and also Ben, Kev’s right, you are the one who started it with your heckling.

Charmcaster is just, not for Gwen existing in the same area as her. Gwen, meanwhile, is just surprised to see her.

Charm I don’t know what you’re looking for in there, it’s a tween engineer’s private journal, it’s not gonna have anything you can use against Gwen. Against Kevin, probably, against Gwen, not likely.

Charmcaster you cannot get up anyone’s ass about emo poetry when you recited ‘Ode To Hating Gwen So Much #16′ on stage. Pot, kettle, black.

It’s a poetry powered amulet. Either that or Kevin’s poetry counts as spellwork. I wonder if there’s something specific you have to do to make a poem count as a spell or if it’s just whatever works as long as it’s a magic user reading it aloud? Because Charm clearly ain’t meaning to cast this as a spell, at least at first, and yet. That seems kind of worrying though, if that’s the case. I mean what happens if a warlock tries to read his kid some Shel Silverstein at bedtime?

What happens if a sorcerer recites It’s Raining Pigs And Noodles?

I don’t know whether I’m more concerned to continue listening or for how Kevin’ll react if he notices Charm is reading his poetry aloud. I mean this is sounding like a personal one (and speaking as a former 11yo poet with Issues, I know what that sounds like) and gods if somebody I didn’t like was reading one of mine aloud I don’t know if I’d have broken down or killed them where they stood.

Gods I’m gonna have to rewatch this episode when it ends up on CN’s site so I can get a proper transcript of this, their captioning works right.

Welp. I knew emo poetry was powerful but this takes the cake.

Charm that is not your shit! Go find your book again! Or are you worried your shit isn’t as strong as his? I mean I’m getting more and more convinced this isn’t something he’d have been reading aloud.

Oh gods it does only go for real poetry! She tries to throw in some stuff built for spellcrafting and the amulet nopes right out! ‘Sorry, kiddo, there’s gotta be emotion involved or it’s just not happening’.

Hopefully that answers the Pigs And Noodles question

I’m kinda hoping Charm’s mini reign of terror is ended by a beet red Kevin divetackling her from offscreen and wrenching his journal from her. Bonus points if he gets her upside the head with it.

Gotta love when youtube decides to while you’re trying to pause on a scene.

Meanwhile, the boys have worn themselves out with their fighting and arguing.

Kevin, panicking because Charmcaster has his notebook and is also reading it aloud. As is the only proper response to such things.

Ben- out to stop Charmcaster because she a dangerous badguy Kevin- out to stop Charmcaster because she is reading his poetry aloud AAAAA

Charmcaster pls, stop being an ass for seven seconds

Child you cannot just recruit emo boys to write you sad poetry! Especially not after you just read their poetry aloud without their okay, it’s just not right! Besides, that’s not the look of someone who wants anything other than for you to close the book and forget you ever saw anything that was in there.

Charm: Work with me Kevin: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on

“You two are weak” Chamrcaster you only have power right now because you’re taking it from his poetry. I’m pretty sure that puts him above you on the scale by default.

Kevin, joining Team Tennyson purely to get back his notebook. Again, perfectly valid.

TL;DR: Kevin accidentally wrote a spellbook

I’m still wondering what it is that makes his poems work but not Charm’s actual spells? Is it the emotion behind them? In UAF magic was made of life force, in theory putting enough emotion into your writing could maybe imbue the words with magic? Is the solution to this puzzle that Kevin was feeling so strongly when he wrote this shit that they became magic on their own? Or does the amulet just search for true emotion in words and make it so? How is this all working?

If these boys could stop fighting each other for like 13 seconds we might actually get something done.

Charmcaster sealed Gwen’s voice with poetry. Welp.

Welp, the old ‘everything’s an enemy’ illusion trope. Not an illusion this time, but same deal.

Kevin: *easily sees through the spell because Charmcaster!Humongasaur keeps growing his damn tail* “You’d have to be a complete nincompoop not to see through this, right Tennyson?” Ben: *falls right for the spell*

Damnit Ben, Kevin thought you were better than that.

“I can’t not hit the dweeb now.” These children.

Charmcaster leave the innocent bystanders alone!

It takes Ben hearing himself get called Dweebyson to realize he’s fighting Kevin. Kevin knew the deal from the word go. Have I mentioned which one is my son?

Kevin makes Ben embarrass himself to prove he’s him, even though he already knows. Turns to him for a plan.

Kevin as Darkmatter: Finds Ben not timed in, fiddles with Omnitrix to bring it back up to charge, throws him at Charmcaster

“Stop her before she finishes that poem!” Well I’m concerned now

“I’ll show them all what I can do, I’m much more than a leech, their bodies paralyzed by words, their hearts grow heavy from my speech” Yes yes this was a very powerful verse magically I’ll unpause for the results in a second, do you see that second line? That second line there. Do I have to kill somebody? I have to kill somebody don’t I...

Huh, that verse increased gravity on the target(s).

Charm trying to recruit Kevin again, and he’s still turning her down because fuck her and everyone who looks like her. He looks so small in this frame. Very soft faced, he’s got two years younger from the stress of all this.

Oh and she’s pulling out WIPs to blackmail him into complying. I’m going to guess it’s less emo and more Gwen-focused, because I’ve seen media before in my life and know how that shit works. Would prefer more Kevin inner working stuff, but whatcha gonna do. If it is a love poem it’d knock down the rating though.

Also, when you’re so pissed the animators have to give you sharp teeth to emphasize it.

Okay, Kevin’s doodles are cute.

Also why do you have a note in your notebook denoting the secret shit Kevin? Do you have siblings or something? Who is going through your stuff, or that you’re worried might go through your stuff? Or are you just paranoid? It could be the last one.

Okay, so I’m paused on the poem in question and aww, Kevin’s ‘h’s go directly into his vowels. Yes I am commenting on his handwriting let me live. It’s an emotional poem and I’m working out things to say...

Kevin trying to claw his way forward to shut Charm up, it’s not working but he’s trying

Welp

Kevin, wearing a hoodie this episode purely so that during this scene he could drag it over his head to hide his embarrassment at having a poem about caring about Gwen read aloud.

I’m still deducting a point from the episode.

The good news is, the poem restored Gwen’s speech, which, I don’t know what Charm expected to happen there. Of course the semi-positive poem would have a positive effect, come on girl, do you know nothing of magic?

Okay, so, they’re gonna defuse Charm by using her own magic to silence her, via Kevin playing along and writing her a poem that’ll do just that. His improve abilities shall save the day, and what’s left of his pride.

Charm fuck off

Charm, digging your own grave, pls

And Kevin drops the hood when he sees Charm falling hook line and sinker, so proud of himself

Oh that was brilliant darling! “My spells undone, I’m speechless at my own defeat”, two lines and he not only stopped her but undid all the damage she caused! My son! My brilliant, poetic son!

Kevin, so smug

Gwen calling Charm’s ass out on treating people like toys when she of all people should know what that feel like

And not Charm’s amulet responds to her rhymes. Guess it does have to be tied to a proper emotion, rather than just being willy-nilly

Kevin is just happy to get his notebook back.

And Gwen compliments his work which, of course, leads to complete avoidance tactics. I don’t know what you expected Gwen, that last poem was all about him not knowing how to talk to you or even really having a solid hold on how he feels.

And we end with Kevin walking away as Ben disappoints everyone with more horrible rapping.

10/11, the Kevin stuff made up for the Charmcaster bullshit, but we still lose a point for Gwevin as is the rule. I continue to eye Kevin’s backstory with suspicion and suspense.

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E15 Poll Results (Anime Only Viewer Version)

The poll closed with 84 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note this is the anime only viewer version of the poll. Manga readers, please click here for the results of the manga reader poll!

RATE THE EPISODE 65 Responses

This episode got overall positive responses from the fandom, with nearly all votes at a 4-5 rating. Can WIT keep up this momentum?

Another fantastic episode.

intense

Stressful

Rude

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 64 Responses

The favorite moment of the episode inarguably goes to Bertolt activating his Bertl Bomb™! Closely behind is the short Mikasa vs. Bertolt conflict, and in third place is Annie’s hesitance to assist in killing Marco.

Reiner was right, Bertholdt really was the strongest warrior of their so-called "hometown", able to fend himself off from an Ackermann.

Wow Bertholdt is really strong, he completely dominated Mikasa in their fight.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE APETITAN AND YOUSEEBIGGIRL REARRANGES? 61 Responses

72% of respondents were thrilled to hear new versions of familiar songs from Sawano, feeling that the new versions were totally epic. Nearly 20% still prefer the originals, although they agree the new versions sounded cool.

WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ABOUT THE RECENT EARLY EPISODE LEAKS? 63 Responses

54% of respondents weren’t even aware that leaks of the episode had happened. 23% aren’t happy about the leaks happening, while 15% don’t really care.

Great. I hate sunday releases

WHO WON THE SHOUTING MATCH? 63 Responses

With nearly ¾ of the vote, Bertolt is deemed the winner of the shouting match on the rooftops!

Armin should have asked Bombholdt why they wanted to kill all humans.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT BERTOLT’S DEVELOPMENT AT THIS POINT? 64 Responses

40% of respondents are glad to see how far he’s developed as a character. 26% are just happy to have his thoughts and more lines from him, and narrowly behind at 25% people are curious to see what will become of his character.

He’s progressed but in the way of the warriors. The more he’s with beasty and Reiner the more cold hearted he becomes.

i still hate him with all my heart

Bertholdt with conviction is really badass. He’s actually interesting now.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT ARMIN BLUFFING ABOUT ANNIE A SECOND TIME? 64 Responses

A whopping 60% of respondents believe that Armin should have known better than to try manipulating Bertolt’s feelings for Annie to his benefit again, while the remaining 37% feel that it was worth another shot.

I think in Armin’s scenario he couldn’t think of another bluff that quickly so he resorted back to Annie, knowing that there was a chance it wouldn’t pay off.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT CGI COLOSSAL TITAN? 63 Responses

With a surprising divide between positive and negative reactions, 42% of viewers are pleased with the CGI render of the Colossal Titan, labeling it as “awesome.” Closely behind, 30% feel that it’s very “meh.”

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE 104TH RIDING ON TITAN EREN? 64Responses

Fanart becomes a reality as the 104th take a ride on Eren’s titan form! 42% of viewers found this detail adorable, 29% think it’s pretty neat, and 20% don’t think much of it either way.

WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION WHEN IT WAS REVEALED THAT ALL OF THE WARRIOR TRIO WERE INVOLVED IN MARCO’S DEATH? 64 Responses

Much to the pollster’s delight, it seems that Reiner’s brief flashback from season 2 didn’t spoil it for everyone! A solid 25% of viewers had expected that each of them played a part in Marco’s death. 20% of viewers were genuinely surprised by the reveal. 18% picked up on the clue from season 2.

FUCK. REINER. BERTOLT. AND ANNIE.

I excepted all 3 to be involved but I DIDN’T expect them to care about killing Marco.

I loved seeing that Annie actually cared and didn’t want to take Marco’s ODM gear.

DO YOU THINK THE WARRIOR TRIO COULD HAVE NEGOTIATED WITH MARCO WITHOUT KILLING HIM? 63 Responses

The overwhelming majority believe that Reiner and Bertolt were right to believe that negotiation with Marco wasn’t possible. 14% of respondents aren’t sure either way, and 12% feel they could have come to an understanding.

THE WARRIORS TALK ABOUT AN “EVIL RACE” AND JUST WANTING TO “END IT.” WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS? 63 Responses

Nearly half of respondents believe that there’s someone above the warriors who wants humanity to perish. 20% believe that shifters are a different race than the rest of humanity in the walls, and 19% believe everyone in the walls are of a certain race, and that is why the warriors are trying to kill them. In retrospect, we should have left an option for write in answers. :P

WHAT DO YOU THINK THE SIGNIFICANCE OF REINER’S WORDS ABOUT HIS PROMISE TO YMIR ARE, IF ANY? 63 Responses

42% of respondents feel that Reiner’s desire to fulfill his promise to Ymir stem from mixed motivations. 20% believe that he genuinely just wants to save Historia, and 19% believe that he’s doing it as a way to repay her for saving them.

I feel like he’s honoring her last wish. (My theory is the Quadruped Titan night have eaten her)

REINER SURVIVED THE THUNDER SPEAR ATTACK BY TRANSFERRING HIS CONSCIOUSNESS AGAIN - THOUGHTS? 64 Responses

Over half of the fandom feel that Reiner’s abilities are simply born from plot armor. At much smaller percentages, 15% of respondents feel that it’s a reasonable explanation for his survival, 12% think it’s a super cool feature of his titan, and 10% aren’t really bothered about it.

Again, I think this is how shifting works. If your consciousness is transferred to your body then you transform, but if your mind and body are disconnected (by cutting off the nape) you die.

whatever, i just hate him with all my heart

WHAT IS THE FATE OF HANGE’S SQUAD? 63 Responses

44% of respondents are certain that most of the soldiers with Hange were killed in the blast, with maybe a couple of survivors. 30% are slightly more optimistic about the survival numbers, but ultimately feel most of them didn’t escape the blast. 15% are certain that all of them have perished, and a small 9% are optimistic about their fates.

I hate that I have to wait  until Sunday to see what happened to Hange’s squad.

DO YOU THINK THE 104TH WILL BE ABLE TO DEFEAT BERTOLT? 62 Responses

43% of respondents have faith that the 104th will be able to outdo Bertolt somehow and defeat him. 29% don’t want to say confidently either way, and 17% already know what happens.

HOW HAVE YOU OPINIONS ON THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERS CHANGED?

After this episode, Marco, Bertolt, Annie and Armin got large boost in regards to how well liked they are among respondents. Meanwhile, Reiner took the biggest hit, with more people finding him less favorable than more favorable, although most opinions remained unchanged. The Beast Titan, now known as Zeke, got a boost in terms of favorability. Mikasa remained mainly unchanged, but also received a good boost in favorability this episode.

BARREL BOY BEST (problematic) BOY

Jean and Mikasa are the only ones with resolve. Reiner and Bert are from the past

It feels like each character is acting realistically. They are on opposite sides of a war that they don't understand but were thrust into

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

It’s nice. Bertolt’s tranformation scene was really epic... but Hange squad might be dead... T.T

I think they could of done a better job in going into more depth about the plan? And i wish they didn't leave us hanging with what happened to Hange's squad

This may be a long one so buckle up. (im sorry)

Okay, so first off I didn’t know that quadrupedal titan could speak so that totally caught me off guard. Secondly, having seen the Lost Girls OVA, I expected Annie and at least someone else to be involved with Marco’s death. I feel really bad for Annie (and Bertolt, but mostly Annie) because it was obvious she didn’t want to kill Marco. Also Reiner’s split personality thing??? Anyways, I’m happy we finally got to see the beadt titan shifter, he kinda looks like Grisha though. The thing with Bert and Reiner was great. The Bert vs Armin yelling battle was great as well. I’m super excited for the next episode! This one was so good.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 60 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again in a few days!